2017 GW Bush League Entertainment - Week 4 (Part 2)

WHAT IF HE SHOT ME IN THE FACE?: 3-1

Season Headline: “Why Can’t the Commish Have Nice Things?”

Once again my team has been kicked in the nuts by an injury to a key player.

You think I’m just complaining because of Dalvin Cook? No no no, this is a trend my friends. It’s happened three years in a row and this year might have been the worst. Just to refresh your memories….

2015 – Third round pick Carlos Hyde rushes for 168 yards and 2 TDs on opening night. Is limited by injuries from Weeks 2-7 before missing the remainder of the year.

2016 – Second round pick AJ Green is #2 in the NFL in receiving through 10 weeks. He tears his hamstring on the first drive of his Week 11 game and misses the remainder of the season.

2017 – Fourth round pick Dalvin Cook is RB7 after 4 weeks of play (including Week 4 when he only played half the game). Tears his ACL on a non-contact injury and is out for the year.

Why can’t the Commish have nice things?

Prospects Going Forward:

I’ve gotten off to a good start, but it’s going to be really tough going forward without my best player. Re: Dalvin Cook was my best player. I got a lucky Week 4 win vs. the Gabriel, but I play both of our top two teams (Tieg/Keetz) and Dylan during the next three weeks. I could very easily come out of that at 3-4 and out of the playoffs. Should be another interesting year.

CALEB’S BUKAkE PARTY: 3-1

Season Headline: “Does Anyone Stand A Chance?”

Tieg is going to win the league this year, that’s my opinion at least. Getting Zeke in the 4th round would be punishable by losing a hand in some cultures and Kareem Hunt has been one of the biggest breakouts in fantasy football. Between those 2 and the steady presence of Devonta Freeman, I just don’t see any way that Tieg doesn’t win it all. But I ask again, does anyone else have a chance to take him down? As I mentioned before, I think Keetz is the only one. Let’s look at the tale of the tape….

Keetz won their head to head matchup – point for Keetz.

Tieg has scored 20 more points this year – point for Tieg.

But what if they played each other every week?

Tieg has scored 146, 113, 147 and 151 points this year.

Keetz has scored 114, 123, 152 and 149 points this year.

If Tieg played Keetz every week, they would have split at 2-2. - PUSH

It’s going to be pretty interesting to see which one of these two comes out on top. It’s pretty clear that it’ll come down to these two (although Robby D is a darkhorse as well with Le’Veon). Still, it’s somewhat comforting to know that at least one team has a chance to get in Tieg’s way.

Prospects Going Forward:

All Tieg has to do is snooze through the season and make sure he wakes up in time for the playoffs. There is literally no chance he misses the playoffs, so it’s all about making sure he’s ready when the time comes. Yeah sure he might lose an RB, but so what? If he loses Zeke he has Kareem/Freeman. If he loses Freeman he has Kareem/Zeke. If he loses Kareem he has Zeke/Freeman. Either of those RB combos would be better than anyone else’s RB1/RB2 so he can actually afford to lose a guy. The odds of that happening are so low though, we’ve already seen four major ACL injuries (Edelman, Robinson, Cook, Sproles). How many more do we expect to happen?

That’s really all I have to say about it, this is a lost year for the GW Bush League. Tieg drafted well, got lucky and will win the league. Oh well.

JABAAL PAP SHMEARD: 2-2

Season Headline: “Probin Wombs and Diggin Tombs”

Yes I stole that from Lamone, but it’s hilarious. Once again a major theme of Lamone’s season is that he has an awesome team name. I don’t think he’s made a t-shirt for it yet, but that should be equally hilarious. Cheers to Lamone, the most creative person in our league.

The story of his season has been the highs and lows. In his two wins Lamone has averaged 117 points. That’s great and if he did that every week, he’d be #4 in points. Unfortunately his team has failed to show up on two occasions and he’s #9 in scoring. In his two losses he’s averaged just 64 points. The worst of it was his week 1 performance where he put up 59.5 points. In Week 1........

That 59.5 is the lowest score any team has put up this year. The next lowest is the 68.9 he put up in Week 3. Not exactly ideal when your team puts up the two worst scores of the year. Regardless, he finds himself at 2-2 and in the playoff conversation.

Prospects Going Forward:

Lamone’s running backs really need to figure their shit out. While DeMarco Murray was the 10th player and 5th running back off the board, he’s currently RB29. If it weren’t for a 75 yard TD run in Week 3 he’d probably be outside the top 50. Jay Ajayi has been a let down as well. The 11th player and 6th running back taken in our draft is currently RB34. He did miss 1 game, but his last two games have netted him 14 points combined.

If those two guys can turn it around I think Lamone will easily make the playoffs. He’s got TB12, Jimmy Graham and his WR group is improving (Pryor and Benjamin both broke out in Week 4). It’s really just his RBs who are holding him back and he’ll live or die with them.

INTERVIEW: Bud Light n the Dilly Dilly’s: 2-2

1. In a sentence or two, how do you feel about your team?

Really wish my white running back would stop sucking d. Reverse racism going on big time in Charlotte.

2. Now describe your team in 4 words or less.

One word. Underperforming

3. You have a big matchup against Keetz #1 squad this week. Do you think you can hand him his first L?

My team definitely has the potential, but I need people to do what they are capable of. Keetz has a few tough matchups this week too. Alex Smith @ Houston, Gurley @ Seattle, Keenan Allen @ Giants, Mike Evans @ Pats. I smell an upset.

4. What are you gonna do about Julio Jones? It’s looking more and more like he’ll be a bust this year.

Hes about to go in the dumpster. Jul-ey Jul-ey you fucking suck-ey.

(Editor’s Note: Agreed)

5. Who do you think will win the league this year?

Really hope Tieg’s team tears its metaphorical ACL (or just that every player on his team tears it in real life. That’ll work too.). That being said, it’s going to be Twig and Keetz in the finals unless someone steps up or they actually get an injury. Coin flip from there.

6. You’re in a few other leagues, how are those going for you?

Im only in one other league and I am 100% winning. My team is insanely good.

7. Who do you think is the next league member to get engaged?

Gotta go with Kev on this one. Frader is single I believe, Lamone is a few years away, Guy probably a decade (or two) away, and I banged a 22 year old girl last weekend who used to go to Jen Burke’s tumbling academy so I don’t think I will be getting the best odds here.

(Editor’s Note: That’s 2 votes for Guy, 2 votes for Kev and 1 vote for Ken. (Cumulative results)

8. Speaking of love, how’s everything going for you on the dating front?

Seems like déjà vu. Pretty sure I was asked this question last year and the answer is the exact same it was. The roster is at least 15 deep right now and I've been top grading the shit out of it with A-players on a week to week basis. Someday one will come along and do the ole lock-down, but it hasn't happened yet. Dating sucks, might as well keep myself un-bored in the meantime.

(Editor’s Note: I tracked down last year’s interview and here it is:

Commish: Non football question - how are the ladies treating you these days? Any fish on the hook?

Dylan: Picture a deep-sea Swordfish captain. He’s got a long line a mile out in the Atlantic. Multiple hooks and bait off each segment of that line. Always has shit biting at the bait, always getting sent nude pics of chicks with fake titties, always juggling the task of reeling multiple lines, but that’s just to keep him occupied and on his toes. Hasn’t reeled in that thousand pound marlin (Eduardo Saverin Social Network shout out). I must say, the captain gets bored easily. Silver lining- I dont have to spend thousands of dollars a year, I just lose it gambling!

Answer was pretty much the exact same.)

9. Who finds a girlfriend first, you or Frader?

Most likely Frader. He’s more of a serial dater than me and most girls tend to just piss me off after a while but who knows.

(Editor's Note: Frader is clearly the Ted Mosby of our league, Dylan is the Barney Stinson.)

10. Any final thoughts you would like to share with the league? The floor is yours…

First off, honored to be a groomsman in the commish’s wedding. Gonna be a blast. Secondly, what’s up with the Patriots’ defense? Absolutely horrendous performances lately. We gotta redeem our next Sunday Pats game a Thirst. I also think its hilarious how Trump keeps referring to Kim Jong as “Little Rocket Man”.