2017 GW Bush League Entertainment - Week 3 (Part 1)

My Lords,

Week 3 has come and gone and it’s time to start setting our lineups for Week 4. Before we get there however, we must look at what happened this weekend. What happened was…….well it was interesting. While we dealt with injuries, busts and disappointments in the first 2 weeks, this week we just had some reallllllyyyyy bizarre results. We could look at a number of things, but I think the QB scoring tells the entire story for Week 3. During Week 2, here was the top 10 in QB scoring:

1 – Tom Brady

2 – Carson Wentz

3 – Trevor Siemian (OUTLIER)

4 – Drew Brees

5 – Derek Carr

6 – Phillip Rivers

7 – Aaron Rodgers

8 – Ben Roethlisberger

9 – Alex Smith

10 – Russel Wilson

Pretty standard right? Now let’s look at Week 3 for the bizarro world QB scoring…..

1 – Tom Brady (no big dealllllll)

2 – Russel Wilson

3 – Case Keenum (WHAT THE FUCK)

4 – Kirk Cousins

5 – Jacoby Brissett (WHAT THE FUCK)

6 – Aaron Rodgers

7 – Brian Hoyer (WHAT THE FUCK)

8 – Eli Manning (WHAT THE FUCK)

9 – Blake Bortles (WHAT THE FUCK)

10 – Jared Goff (WHAT THE FUCK)

………………………………..yeah, that happened.

All of this goes to show how unpredictable fantasy football is. Did you think Carry-On-Suit-Case Keenum would throw for 300 yards and 3 TDs against a seemingly good Buccaneers defense? Did you think Deshaun Watson would throw for 300 yards and almost beat the Patriots in Foxboro? No you did not. Fantasy football and real football are just too erratic to predict and that’s why we love them. Which leads to another item I wanted to mention – something Tieg said to me last week.

We were talking about the PWF golf tourney and towards the end of the conversation he said something along the lines of……”Just read the recaps. Why don’t you apply all of this analytical prowess to your drafts?” I’m not sure if it was meant to come off as a "dig", but it did. Dooshey comment or not it’s a fair question. I look at fantasy football more than any of you (mainly due to the recaps) so it’s kind of odd that I’ve never really come close to winning the league. So what gives? While his question seems like a loaded one, the response is straightforward – fantasy football is an absolute shitshow. No one can predict the future with fantasy football, not even the guys who are actually paid to do it. AT BEST Matthew Berry gets 50-60% of his predictions right and that’s on a good week. He’s literally the most famous fantasy sports guy in the world and he’s lucky to get 60% accuracy. This is the same Matthew Berry who called Cam Newton (3 INTs) and Theo Riddick (5 pts) LOVES, while calling Russel Wilson (39 pts) and Jordan Howard (36.5 pts) HATES this week.

If the professionals can’t get it right then how is an accountant who is slacking off at work supposed to? I’m not. The morale of the story is that these write-ups can be taken with a grain of salt. Obviously I’d like to get them all right, but I’m no John Anthony (great reference, see the pic on the post). I only do this to add something extra to the league, talk a little trash, make a few jokes and give you guys something to do whilst dropping the Browns off at the super bowl. The same Browns who just let Jacoby Brissett finish as a top 5 QB this week – see, I brought it all together.

Alright enough is enough. I’m not big on intros, so that’ll be the last long one. For this week’s entertainment I’m going to do one “thumbs up” and one “thumbs down” for each team. It’s self-explanatory so let’s get on with it.

WHAT IF HE SHOT ME IN THE FACE?: 2-1

THUMBS UP:

The ghost of Larry Fitz coming through right when I need him…… Actually I didn’t need him at all, talk about a waste of a big game. Anyways after disappointing me for two weeks, Larry finally went out and GOT UP IN THAT ASS LARRY. The 45 year old WR scored 29.4 points on 13 catches for 149 yards and a TD. Through the first two weeks he had 9 catches for 96 yards and 14 fantasy points. He doubled his point totals and beat those catch/yard totals in Week 3 alone. Although I didn't need it, it was still reassuring to see him dominate. Thumbs up.

THUMBS DOWN:

Have to go with my least favorite player Cam Newton here. Despite being a LOVE/START EM on ESPN NFL.com and CBS Sports, Newton went out and finished with just 10.8 points this week. I don’t know what the worst part is, the fact he threw three picks against the Saints, or the fact that he threw for under 170 yards despite the fact they were losing the entire game. Actually the worst part is that he finished as the #27 QB this week……against the SAINTS!!! Thumbs way down.

JABAAL PAP SHMEARD: 1-2

THUMBS UP:

Gotta go with TB12 here, there is no other option. Our Lord and Savior Tom Brady/Jesus Christ scored 41.6 of the 68.9 points Lamone’s team scored this week. So close to 69, comeon man. Anyways that amounts to about 60% of the points Lamone scored in week 3….. yikes. Brady threw 5 TDs on 378 yards and as we all know, completed an epic comeback with a 25 yard TD to Brandin Cooks. We are so damn spoiled to be Pats fans.

THUMBS DOWN:

There was no other option for a thumbs up because the rest of Lamone’s team was horrible. Since TB12 scored 41.6 of the 68.9, that means the rest of his team combined to score just 27.3 points. That. Is. Not. Good. Not. Good. At. All. Jay Ajayi, CJ Anderson, Fuck Allen, Terrelle Pryor, Kelvin Benjamin, Jack Doyle, the Seahawks D and his Kicker averaged 3.4 points apiece this week, which is just putrid. On the bright side, at least they sucked as a team?

CALEB’S BUKAkE PARTY: 2-1

THUMBS UP:

I don’t think I’ve given him much love, but how about Devonta Freeman? The near** Super Bowl MVP (lol) has been great so far this season and sits as RB #4 through 3 weeks. He’s scored a touchdown in all three games and has scored 26 or more points in each of the last two games. His passing game usage is somewhat low (7 catches), but at least it’s consistent (at least 2 catches per game). The carries is what I’m mainly concerned with and he has plenty – averaging more than 17 carries per game. He’s also their goal-line back and I’m pretty sure all of his TDs have been short runs. Big Thumbs up.

THUMBS DOWN:

You wanna talk about bizarre results? Look no further than the Redskins vs Raiders game – R-Words 27, other R-Words 10. Carr was one of the biggest disappointment in fantasy this week and managed just 7.3 points against the R-words. This put him as QB #30 and he was almost outscored by Ryan Mallett. Ryan Mallet who only played half of the 4th quarter in the Ravens embarrassing loss. Of QBs who actually started only Phillip More Kids than INTS Rivers and Joe Flaccopian Tubes scored fewer points. I know it was a road game and I know the R-Words have good cornerbacks, but good grief.

MIXONS HERE HYDE UR GURLEY: 3-0

THUMBS UP:

Thumbs up to the RBs on Keetz’ team, holy shitake mushrooms on draft day circa 2016. Oddly enough Keetz only rosters 4 RBs, but I guess that’s all he needs. After Carlos Hyde and Todd Gurley combined for 72 points on Thursday Night Football (bizzare result #1 of the week), Joe Mixon and Frank Gore combined for another 32.4 on Sunday. On a side note, Joe Mixon has clearly taken the #1 job for the Bengals which is great news for Keetz. All in all his RBs combined for 104.3 points this week, which was more than 3 teams scored (and nearly more than a 4th team).

THUMBS DOWN:

It’s hard to give a thumbs down to the best team in our league, but that’s what I get paid to do (don’t get paid). I’ll give the thumbs down to Keetz for not starting Stefon Diggs at all this year. Diggs is currently the #1 WR in fantasy football after another HUGE day on Sunday. All in all he has 17 catches for 293 yards and 4 TDs on the year – or more importantly 64 fantasy points. While Diggs has been ripping it up on the bench, Keetz started Demaryius Thomas as his WR2 (32 points, WR29). Diggs did have 1 bad week (4.3 pts wk2) and will likely have some more bad weeks, but I don’t think you can sit him behind Demaryius anymore.