2017 GW Bush League Entertainment - Week 2 (Part 2)
LeveonStuffed Kens TacoBell: 1-1
Before I get started, I have to get one thing out of the way. The Commish is a man of his word and I made a promise last week. I promised that if LeVeon Bell scored fewer than 25 points I would donate $50 to the Pink Whales Foundation. LeVeon scored 16 points this week, so it’s time to pay up. The PWF Golf Tourney doesn’t take donations in $50 increments, so I had to give $100. Your Commish is now a Bronze Sponsor at the PWF KP41 Fall Classic. I know I know, I’m Ned Stark honorable you don’t have to say it.
ONE:
Since he’s fresh in our minds, I’ll start off with LeVeon Bell. The 2nd overall pick has disappointed through two weeks and I imagine Bob D’s sweating a little bit. Despite being one of the most versatile weapons in the NFL, he’s only accumulated 140 yards of offense and has yet to score a TD. His 3.2 yards per carry is bad and his 2.7 yards per reception is even worse. All in all he’s put up 24.7 points through 2 games. On to the punch-line – is this real or fake? Obviously, this is fugazi and I will tell you why.
Bell had only been with the team for about 2 weeks when this game was played. He missed all of OTAs and training camp, so it’s only natural he needs some time to re-acclimate. While he’s been bad so far, just look at the improvement from Week 1 to Week 2 – his carries went up from 10 to 27, his catches went up from 3 to 4 and his total yards went up from 47 to 91. PROGRESS. Also, he had a matchup vs the vaunted MN defense this past week. With a matchup vs Chicago on tap, I think this is the week he breaks out. And no, I will not be betting on it like I did last week.
TWO:
I’m gonna go for Bilal Powell here. Powell was a really popular sleeper this year based on a big finish to 2016. His ADP on ESPN was #60 ahead of guys like Jimmy Graham, Joe Mixon, Mark Ingram and Mike Gillislee. Our league is much savvier than most leagues, so he went #79 (8th round) to Robby D. Still though - an 8th round pick is a high price to pay for someone who has never scored more than 5 TDs in a 6 year career. How has that worked out for you Bob D? Not good Commish, not good at all.
Powell has rushed for 35 yards through 2 games and has only caught 5 passes for 17 yards. It’s been pretty clear that Matt Forte is the starter for the Jets even though Powell got all the hype this offseason. So what can we expect from Powell going forward? Is this a Matthew McConaughey fugazi, or is this the level of production we’re going to get? I think this is fugazi and I think Powell will perform better going forward.
First, he just can’t be this bad. 13 carries for 35 yards and 5 catches for 17 yards is pathetic. In the same offense Matt Forte has 15 carries for 69 yards (nice) and 7 catches for 58. The other reason is that Powell got off to a slow start last year as well. Powell had 1,110 rushing+receiving yards and 5 TDs in 2016. Out of those numbers, 817 of the yards and ALL of his TDs came after week 7. Basically about 75% of his yards and all of his TDs came after the mid-way point. All in all, I think Powell will be better than this. You may have to wait a few weeks to see it (maybe a Forte injury), but I don’t think he’ll be this bad all year long.
THREE:
I know it’s kinda dumb to talk about a player Robby D didn’t even start, but I have to mention Brandon Marshall…..probably for the last time this year. When Marshall signed a 2 year 11 million dollar contract with the Giants this offseason the fantasy pundits went nuts. The “fantasy needle” was scratching around like a polygraph test would if you asked Dylan what he scored on a particular hole of golf (*whatever bogey is would be the likely answer btw). Brandon Marshall catching passes from Eli Manning while Odell Beckham draws double coverage? Sign me up. Visions of Plaxiglass Burress were dancing in our heads and as a result, Marshall was a very popular mid-round sleeper pick. Robby D took him with the 2nd pick of the 7th round and the results have been disastrous. A massacre.
Marshall has only received 9 targets this year and has caught just 2 of them. All in all he’s scored 3.7 fantasy points through 2 weeks and ranks as WR107. So is this real or fake?
Sadly, this is 100% real. The Giants offense is one of the worst in the league and probably would be if not for the touch-down-less Bengals. They rank 26th in total offense and are the worst rushing team in all of football. They have 97 rushing yards in two games…….. LeVeon just ran for 87 by himself (see above). They’ve only scored 13 points through 2 games and it’s clear it’s gonna be a long year for them. For all of those reasons, I’m not buying a Brandon Marshall turn around. I think he’s going to be poopdick all year and will be droppable by week 4. HE’S JUST NOT GOOD ANYMORE.
RatDick and the Peabody Steamers: 1-1
ONE:
Let’s start with Christian McCaffrey who was the most hyped rookie of the 2017 draft class. McCaffrey was the 7th overall pick in the NFL Draft after dominating at Stanford and it was widely expected that he would have a huge role in the Panthers offense. As a result he was a 3rd round pick in most drafts – the 24th overall pick in our league. So what has the 24th overall pick done? Is 21 carries for 57 yards, 9 catches for 72 yards and no TDs good?
Instead of being an all-purpose phenom like he was at Stanford, McCaffrey has been held in check. He’s scored 11 points each week, but it’s been purely based on volume. As you can tell, I’m pretty down on him. I’ll continue to be down – I think this is real. While McCaffrey may have some big games this year, I think the 8-12 point range is the best you can expect. The Panthers offense stinks and will continue to bring him down. Also - Jonathan Stewart is a capable back and he’ll take at least half the carries. When it comes down to it, McCaffrey is kind of just a third down back. I think Gio Bernard or James White are fair comparisons. Unless he breaks a big play he’s not likely to produce big points. He’ll be useful as a flex, but he’s not gonna produce to the RB1/RB2 level you drafted him at.
TWO:
Jordan Howard is another young RB who received much hype this offseason. He had a huge season last year and if not for Zeke Elliot, he had a chance to win Rookie of the Year. This offseason the Bears offensive line got better, they got better QBs and things were pointing up for 2017. This led to Howard being a second round draft pick and the expectation was that you could rely on him to produce. Howard started off pretty well, scoring 16.7 points in the first half of his week 1 game. Then he got injured and Tarik Cohen came in and ruined everything. While he didn’t play in the second half of Week 1, Week 2 was especially bad - if it wasn’t for our points per carry rule he woulda had .7 points. TERRIBLE. So which was real? The 16.7 points in week 1, or the 2.5 points in week 2?
I’m extremely down on Jordan Howard going forward, so I think week 2 was real. The Bears clearly love Tarik Cohen and Howard appears to be a one year wonder. Aside from that, John Fox is notoriously difficult when it comes to running backs – just think about all of those frustrating years in Carolina with DeAngelo Williams vs Jonathan Stewart. Nevermind last year when Langford was supposed to be the guy and Howard stole the job. All that being said, he’s not gonna be usable for the next five week EVEN IF he’s healthy. They play the Steelers, Packers, Vikings, Ravens and Panthers over those 5 weeks. They’re gonna get smoked by the Steelers/Packers and Cohen is the passing down back. The Vikings/Ravens/Panthers all have good run-defenses, so even if he gets work in those games he’s not gonna produce much. I have Howard in another league and I’m already looking to sell. SELL SELL SELL!!
THREE:
Last but not least: Terrance West. West is currently RB #15 after being selected as the 104th player in our draft. Not bad right? He’s scored 30 points so far - 17 in week 1 and 13 in week 2. He’s getting about 15 touches a game and it appears as though he’s their goal-line back. So will this continue? Will Terrance West be a steal?
No, this is a fugazi. The emergence of Fuck Allen has made it very clear that the Ravens prefer to use him. To be honest, West wasn’t even supposed to be their primary back in the first place. That was supposed to be Kenneth Haha Clinton-Dixon until he got suspended then injured. Once he went down, Woodhead was the popular pick and now that he’s down, it’s Allen. The Ravens are literally looking for anyone to be their feature back aside from West and for that reason, I think his production so far is fake.
“Jakey-Jakey” Big Mistakey: 0-2
ONE:
Let’s start with Mike Gillislee of the Patriots. When Gillislee was signed it was expected he would take the Legarrette Blount role. The 18 TDs and 1,100 rushing yards were the dream scenario, but it was widely accepted he’d rush for at least 10 touchdowns. Those expectations have been met and through two weeks he’s been great. While he’s on pace to fall short of the 1,100 yards, he’s also on pace to shatter the TD total Blount put up (on-pace for 36). So is this real or is this fake? Ima keep it real here…..
For starters Josh McDaniels fucking LOVES to run the ball when the Pats get close. I don’t know if he doesn’t trust Tom, doesn’t like the options we have for short passing plays or what – either way he prefers to run the ball in goal line situations. Preferences aside Gillislee is really good in these goal-to-go scenarios. He’s got the size to power through defenders (215ish pounds) and he’s quick around the edge as well (4.55 40 yard dash at the combine). Last but not least, Gillislee is just a good player. Honestly I’m kinda surprised he doesn’t get more early down work because he’s looked good so far. His current 3.5 yards per carry doesn’t jive with that, but I’d be willing to bet at least 10 of his 33 carries have come in short situations – which drives down the average. Overall I think Gillislee is for real and will continue to produce for Guy’s team.
TWO:
Golden Tate is another player I wanted to look at. He’s one of the players who was good one game this year and sucked in the other. In Week 1 he scored 18.8 points on 10 catches for 107 yards. In week 2 he scored 4.5 points on 4 catches for 25 yards. So which is real and which is fake?
While I think the Week 1 score was a bit high, I think it was more indicative of what we can expect from Tate going forward. Yes his week 2 statline was bad, but the Lions beat the Giants like a dirty rug. As a result Matthew Stafford only attempted 4 passes in the second half of the game……four. The trickle-down effect for Tate was that he only had 4 targets all day. That’s a really low target number considering he had 12 targets in week 1. Going further, the 4 targets is very low for Tate in general. Since he joined the Lions in 2014 his average targets per game have been: 8.9 in 2014, 8.0 in 2015 and 8.4 in 2016. Tate basically got half his normal workload this week so it’s not a surprise he failed to produce. Summing it up, I think Week 2 was a fugazi. I think the Week 1 stat line is closer to what we can expect.
THREE:
Finally I want to examine Marcus Mariota. The Titans QB was a very popular pick this year and Guy chose him to be his starter. In Week 1 Mariota looked like a stud when he scored 21 points against the Raiders. In Week 2 Mariota looked like a 10th round pick when he put up 15 against the Jaguars. Overall he sits at QB13, which is pretty mediocre. In our ten man league, it’s technically not even good enough to be a starter. So what should be expect from Mariota this year?
Honestly I think QB13 is about right and this is real. While he put up a really solid 21 points in week 1, seven of those points came on a 10 yard rushing TD. Without that TD he woulda scored 14 points and he’d be closer to QB20. Going further, the Titans just aren’t going to be a passing offense. They have a lot of good weapons, but the run game is their go-to. Like the go-to girl you’d hook up with in college that wasn’t overly hot but you just did it because it was easier. We all had one of those and the run-game is it for Tennessee. Anyways in 2016, they ran the ball on about 49% of their plays. This year, they’re running the ball on about 46% of their plays. All in all, he’s only gonna throw the ball about half the time. While I like Mariota personally, I just don’t see him breaking the top 10 of QB scoring based on game flow and team strategy.
THE STAR OF LARRY DAVID JOHNSON: 0-2
ONE:
I mentioned my frustration with the sorry-ass-Amari Cooper when we looked at Crabtree, so I’m going to examine him here as well. Amari was the first pick of the 3rd round in our draft and it was widely expected that he’d break out in his third year with the Raiders. I started to believe that in Week 1 when he had 15 points and a TD, but my beliefs were shattered when he put up 5.3 points in Week 2. Watching Michael Crabtree catch 3 TDs while Amari Cooper put up 5.3 points made me feel angry....
So is this Amari Cooper? Is he really gonna finish as WR22? Sadly, I think so. While he will probably finish closer to WR15 than 22, he’s still not a top 10 guy. He may be more talented than Crab, but Derek Carr clearly likes Crabtree more than him. That’s not an opinion that’s a fact, just look at the stats. While Cooper has 12 TDs in his three seasons with the Raiders, Crabtree has 20. While Cooper has 280 targets in that time, Crabtree has 304. I don’t need to go any further, it’s clear that Carr prefers to go to Crabtree. Also, despite the fact Carr likes Crabtree better, teams pay more attention to Cooper. It doesn’t make any sense, but that’s just how it is. Cooper will have some good weeks, but he’s going to be somewhat of a disappointment and he’ll have these really poor weeks that just kill you.
TWO:
From the first pick in the 3rd round to the last pick in the 2nd round – let’s talk about Brandin Cooks. The Patriots spent a 1st round pick on Cooks and it was expected that he’d produce at a high level. At the very least he’d finish as a top 15 WR like he has the last two years. Unfortunately for Cooks owners, he’s been booty so far. BOOTY
Cooks has just 5 catches for 125 yards and 16 fantasy points through two games. Despite the fact he was playing in a revenge game this past week, the Pats made absolutely no effort to get him a cheap score. Instead they run a pick play/easy touchdown to Chris Hogan. WHAT THE FUCK? Why in the world was Cooks not running that route? Because Robby D started Hogan against me, that’s why. Anyways Cooks owners have to be worried, but I’m here to ease their minds. I think the performance so far is a fugazi.
Cooks currently sits as WR38, which obviously sucks. That being said there’s no way he finishes this poorly. He finished as WR10 last year and WR12 the year before. Meanwhile, the top Patriots WR finished as WR15 in 2016 and WR36 in 2015 (Edelman missed a lot of 2015 and still finished WR35). It’s pretty clear that WR38 is just too low. Also, Cooks has come dangerously close to breaking a big play in each game. Tom Brady underthrew him on a long route vs. the Saints and after that, he was tackled on the 1 yard line on a catch – also an underthrown ball. Lastly, he’s drawn a number of penalties against opposing defenses. According to google, he’s drawn 2 pass interference calls this year and 2 defensive holdings. Eventually he’s gonna break a big play, he’s just too explosive. All in all I think he’s underperformed and will break out soon – I bet it happens this week.
THREE:
This is a random one, but I’m gonna look at Hunter Henry. Frader has Jordan Reed, but he’s already banged up and hasn’t done shit (14 points in 2 games). Henry is actually in Frader’s lineup right now, so let’s see what his deal is. In week 1, Henry went without a catch or a target. In Week 2, he caught all 7 of his targets for 84 yards. Which one was real and which one was fake?
I think Week 2 was more indicative than Week 1. Week 1 was a weird game and came against Denver. Henry was used as a blocking TE for most of the night in order to counteract the Denver pass-rush. In Week 2 he had a much better matchup and scored 11.5 points. There’s one positive. The other positive is that Antonio Gates just broke Tony Gonzalez’ all-time touchdown record for a TE. Now that Gates has caught his 112th TD pass, the Chargers don’t need to force-feed him the ball in the red zone like they have the last 2 seasons. They aren’t working towards records anymore, so Henry should see more looks. While I’m not sure if Frader will actually use Henry over Jordan Reed at TE, I think Henry will be a solid TE option going forward.
ALRIGHT, now for the fun part. I have decided to renew the interview series as this seemed to be popular last year. Up first we have our reigning Champ Lamone.
INTERVIEW: JABAAL PAP SHMEARD: 1-1
1. How do you feel about your team?
Don't feel great. I have besmirched Demarco Murray once again. Last time I drafted him, he joined the Eagles and sucked big farts. This year is no different and my first round pick is DeMarco Murray from the house of buttholes, lord of Farts.
(EDITORS NOTE: love that Lamone is watching GOT now)
I also had high hopes for Terrelle Pryor, but he’s playing more like Richard Pryor. An absolute joke. Kelvin Benjamin is also awful because Cam Newton is more interested in what he will wear post game than doing football learnings.
Yunghoe Koo is Yunghoe Kut, needs to go back to South Korea and kick missiles at Kim Jong Un.
2. Describe your team in 4 words or less.
Ink Stink Purple Dink
3. You’re in a few other leagues, how are those going for you?
0-2 and 0-2
4. Do you still read Matthew Berry’s love/hate?
Matthew Berry is a piece of trash who has Lupus. I read the column then tweet him the same tweet. "Suck It"
5. How did it feel to beat Dylan this week? Your former roommate/landlord…..
Big week, First of many Pap Shmears. "Probin' Wombs, Diggin' Tombs"
Probin Wombs
and Diggin Tombs
6. Speaking of which, you now live with Jaclyn. Is there anything about living with Dylan that you miss?
I miss excessive farts.
7. Going forward, how do you feel about Jabaal Pap Schmeard?
Decent, if solid RB group and QB. WRs are rubbish but just need someone to step up.
8. Who do you think will win the league this year?
I want to say Taige, but hopefully everyone falls off a roller coaster and breaks every bone in their body. I think it's gonna be Kenny who wins it.
9. Who do you think is the next league member to get engaged?
H. Guy Ritch Jr. CPA, M&A
10. Any final thoughts you would like to share with the league?
I think we should start a gofundme to get Kev a new hip from last years spike ball incident. It's a dangerous game.
