2017 GW Bush League Entertainment - Week 3 (Part 2)

“Jakey-Jakey” Big Mistakey: 1-2

THUMBS UP:

Gotta give a thumbs up to Guy’s favorite player Odell Beckham. After missing Week 1 with an injury and putting up 5 points in Week 2 it was fair to wonder if Odell would be a bust. Fear not ODB owners, he’s still an absolute freak…

The Giants offense finally came to life and much of it was due to Odell’s Summer Shandy. Beckham raked in 13 targets vs. the Eagles and turned that into 9 catches for 79 yards and 2 TDs. This is the tough thing about Odell Beckham though – inconsistency. Due to the Giants offensive struggles, he’s prone to having some bad weeks. Based on his talent though, he’s just as prone to have big week. To illustrate: over his last 19 games, he’s had 9 games with 14 or fewer points and 10 games with more than 14 points. He’s as boom or bust as they come, but for this week he’s a thumbs up.

THUMBS DOWN:

Let’s stick to this Giants-Eagles game. Thumbs down to the Eagles for completely fooling us with their backfield situation. What in the hell are they doing? In week 1 Legarrette Blount had 15 touches and scored 14 points. In week 2 HE DID NOT HAVE A CARRY. In week 3 he had 12 touches and 15 points.

This leads back to my long-winded intro – the NFL is absolutely the most unpredictable, fickle and inconsistent mind-fuck in the world. How does your #1 back get zero carries in a game? In Week 2 the Eagles ran the ball 17 times (non to Blount). The very next week they run the ball nearly 40 times (12 to Blount). It just doesn’t make any sense and it’s fwustwating. I understand game flow and changing game plans, but you’re not the Patriots so don’t try to be. Thumbs down.

JacksON Jacks-OFF: 1-2

THUMBS UP:

I’m going to give a thumbs up to Lesean McCoy here, but not because he had a big week. In a tough matchup vs. Denver Shady scored 13.2 points. That’s not great, but it’s not going to kill your week. The rushing total was actually terrible as Tieg’s favorite player ran 14 times for 21 yards…… So why is he a thumbs up? He’s a thumbs up because of his receiving numbers. McCoy caught 7 passes for 48 yards, which contributed more than 8 of his 13 points. That doesn’t sound like much, but it’s actually huge.

McCoy has officially entered Leveon Bell/David Johnson status - he’s going to put up numbers every week solely due to his passing game involvement. Any running game involvement (which should be much better in the coming weeks) is icing on the cake. Through 3 weeks, McCoy has already caught 18 passes. He’s currently on pace for nearly 100 catches which is far more than the 80 David Johnson had last year (led all RBs). While the overall result was somewhat discouraging, you have to feel very comfortable starting McCoy week in and week out. That comfort is invaluable in fantasy. Thumbs up ya butt.

THUMBS DOWN:

Thumbs down for Kev’s tight ends. I feel like there’s a thumb in the tight end joke somewhere in here……. Anyways I warned against chasing points with Jason Witten in last week’s recap. I said that his start to this season was a fugazi and my exact words were:

“This start is a fluke and I warn against anyone chasing those numbers……unless you’re the Greg Olsen owner. Fuck tight ends. That’s what she said. Anyways, I don’t think Witten will keep it up.”

See? I don’t get all of them wrong! Anyways Witten put up a hearty .8 points this week on 1 catch for 3 yards. He was targeted 4 times which is decent, but .8 points is .8 points. Sadly Kev’s other tight end barely did better – Kyle Rudolph had 1 catch for 4 yards. On a day when Stefon Diggs and Adam Thielen combined for 47 points, Rudolph the red-nose dickhead had .9 points. Six one way, one half dozen the other. No matter what Kev did at TE this past week he was screwed. Thumbs down.

LeveonStuffed Kens TacoBell: 2-1

THUMBS UP:

Big thumbs up for TY Hilton who finally broke out this week. Not having Andrew Luck has made things difficult for Hilton and he had just 7 catches for 106 yards coming into Week 3. A game against the Browns came at a perfect time and the Colts #1 WR went off for 26.8 points this week. Those 26 points consisted of 7 catches for 153 yards and a TD on 9 targets - all single game highs for him in 2017. This was actually one of his better games in recent memory as the 7 catches were his highest since Week 14 of last year (9) and his 153 yards were his highest total since Week 5 of last year (171). With no timetable on the Andrew Luck injury, seeing Hilton thrive has to make Robby D wanna Stuff Ken’s Taco Bell. Thumbs up peabody’s butt.

THUMBS DOWN:

Thumbs down for Duke Johnson and anyone who had the gall to actually start him in a fantasy football game. This is the second person I saw who started him this week and the second person who needs to go play the lottery. Fucking 19.8 points from Duke Johnson are you SHITTING me? Twenty points from the guy who had 13.6 points combined in Weeks 1 and 2? Twenty points from the guy with 3 career touchdowns? Twenty points from the guy who only has surpassed 15 points THREE times in his three year career?

I need to find out who gives this fantasy advice because this is some Limitless shit. Seriously how the fuck did anyone know Duke Johnson would go off this week? It’s absolutely insane and its stuff like this that makes me want to never play fantasy football again (yes I lost in another league in large part due to this shit). Good riddance.

THE FOURNETTEUATE FEW: 1-2

THUMBS UP:

Thumbs up to the Leonard Fournettuate Few and his 18.9 points. I really thought Fournette would come back down to earth in a tough matchup vs the Ravens, but he just keeps on producing. Through three weeks he has yet to score below 15 points and has a touchdown run in every single game. He’s getting a ton of carries out of the backfield and is averaging nearly 20 per game. He’s also getting solid work as a pass-catcher with 2 or more catches in every game. After producing against the Texans, Titans and Jaguars defense I think it’s safe to say Fournette is matchup proof. It’s also safe to say the Jaguars offense won’t be as bad as we thought, which is good news for Fournette.

THUMBS DOWN:

Thumbs down for Ken’s team name…. just kidding. Thumbs down to Hide Jacquizz Hide Ya Rodgers after his pathetic output against the Vikings this weekend. After putting up 16.5 in Week 2, we all thought it was safe to start Jacuzzi Rodgers this week. Yes the matchup wasn’t great, but we figured the Bucs would be competitive and he’d get somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 touches (he had 19 carries in Week 2). Sadly for us the Bucs got ass-fucked and Rodgers ended with 5 carries for 15 yards and 2.5 points. The worst part is that he wasn’t even targeted in the passing game for the second straight week. It doesn’t make any sense, why don’t they throw him the ball? Rodgers caught +50 passes in 2012 and 2013, yet they don’t even target him once? It makes no sense, so thumbs down for you.

RatDick and the Peabody Steamers: 1-1

THUMBS UP:

It’s hard to find any positives in the Carolina Panthers, but Dylan’s got one in his RB2 spot. After two weeks of middling 11 point outputs, the rookie running back finally had a good day. Christian McCaffrey had poor rushing numbers (4 for 16), but that’s not the point. The point is that he had 9 catches for 100 yards and put up 19 points. You’d prefer that McCaffrey do more damage in the running game, but I think this is a sign of things to come. Cam Newton is horrible, there’s no denying that. Greg Olsen and Kelvin Benjamin are hurt, no denying that either. Given the fact they stink stink stink, they Panthers are gonna be playing from behind – a lot. Guess who reaps in the garbage time fantasy points – our boy Christian McCaffrey.

This week against the Patriots is an especially good matchup, just look at how many receptions/yards they’ve given up the RBs so far….

Kareem Hunt – 5 catches 98 yards, 2 TDs

Alvin Kamara/Mark Ingram – 7 catches, 75 yards

Lamar Miller/D’Onta Foreman – 3 catches, 72 yards.

With the Patriots expected to blow out the Panthers, things are looking good for McCaffrey.

THUMBS DOWN:

I hate to be picky with this one, but I have to. Thumbs down for Julio Jones. Or Ju. Jones as the bottom line on Red Zone now shows…. Anyways this one is tough. From a football perspective Julio has been great. He’s averaging 5 catches for 88 yards per game. For the season he’s on pace for 85 catches and 1,400 yards. That’s incredible for real football and would probably lead the league in yards. But what about fantasy football? In fantasy he’s scored just 8.6, 15.3 and 12.6 points in his first three games. That’s the opposite of incredible, that’s….credible? Let’s go with poor. All in all he’s the #19 WR behind guys like Sterling Shepard, Adam Thielen and Chris Hogan. Excuse me while I throw up...

Such a great movie......Anyways the main reason is the lack of touchdowns – he has none. Of the 9 WRs taken in the first two rounds, he’s the ONLY ONE who hasn’t caught a TD yet. If you extend that to the 3rd round, he and Terrelle Pryor are the only two who have not caught a TD yet. Extend it to the 4th round and of those 18 WRs, Julio and Pryor are the only ones held scoreless so far. Glass half full – he’s due. Glass half empty – this is just Julio and he’s never been a big TD guy. For Dylan’s sake let’s hope its glass half full.

INTERVIEW: THE STAR OF LARRY DAVID JOHNSON: 0-3

1. Knee-jerk reaction - how do you feel about your team?

IDK man, this David Johnson thing just blows and I can’t seem to string together a full team. Russell and Cooks ball out while Amari and Lamar put up stinkers. Not to mention my TE situation is a God damn mess. I feel like Robby D in the library when he takes too much Adderall. I’m starting a million different tasks, chatting it up with Erin Reilly and Andrea Panzera, all the while trying to beat my snake high score on my TI-86...bottom line – my team is all over the place.

2. Describe your team in 4 words or less.

Preetttyy preeetttyy preeettyyy mediocre

3. What are you gonna do about your running backs? Wait for Doug Martin to return or try to make some moves?

Well Chris Thompson looks like 2017 Darren Sproles so he might be a good plug. I think Lamar Miller will be ok as well. I am less worried about RBs and more concerned with the performance of my TEs and WRs.

(Editor’s Note: Amari Cooper you SUCK)

4. When the regular season ends, what do you think your record will be?

Well I am 0-3, how many weeks are left? 10? Best case scenario, 7-6 and sneak into the playoffs. Realistically I finish 4-9 and question why I do any of this shit.

5. Who do you think will win the league this year?

It’s gonna be between Keetz and Tieg...it could be Keetz's year which would be poetic considering there was whispers from the shadow organization that he wasn’t into the league anymore...anyways those were just rumors.

6. You’re in a few other leagues, how are those going for you?

I’m only in one other league this year and I am 1-2. I've played the break out player of the week in my two loses so I am not too worried.

7. When’s the next time you’re going to be in Boston? And actually available to meet up, not “in the Cape”.

Good question, probably your wedding realistically...when is that again? I have a ton of travel in 2018 that includes multiple league bachelor parties and weddings...speaking of bachelor parties, your brother is doing a great job planning, he's been writing a weekly write up of all the things he's accomplished in organizing, it's called www.johnnycgetaninsta.com, check it out.

(Editor’s Note: June 9th is the wedding, you are all invited. No pressure though not trying to be a pain in the ass. Open bar so that’s a plus.)

8. Who do you think is the next league member to get engaged?

Initial thoughts were CPA Guy Rich, but I can see a scenario where Kierney actually proposes to him. With more consideration, I see Ken having to re-propose after doing something incredibly dumb (I waited 8 questions to bring Ken up, league record).

Sleeper pick...KEVVVIIINNNNNNNNN

(Editor’s Note: That’s 2 votes for Guy (sorta), 1 vote for Kev and 1 vote for Ken including last week’s results.)

9. Speaking of love, how’s everything going for you on the dating front?

I would've thought getting back out there would be weird and hard at first, but honestly it's been a breeze...the apps help...and older chicks seem to send more nudes...so I give it a 8.2, that’s a review.

10. Who finds a girlfriend first, you or Dylan?

Well Dylan's been single for what, 8 years now (what was Courtney Bourque’s friend, that was his last GF right?) so you'd think that he's due, but there is one love no woman can pry Dylan from, and that is chillin. I think as long as Dyl has a twisted tea and a couch, he's satisfied.

11. Any final thoughts you would like to share with the league? The floor is yours…

1. David Johnson fucked me. In week one my team didn’t show up and that’s fair, but in Weeks 2 and 3 I've lost by under 18 points per game. That’s the difference between starting David Johnson and Jonathan Stewart. I get it, injuries happen, shit happens, life happens, but it really blows a god damn dick when the first overall pick breaks his pussy ass wrist in the 3rd quarter of the first game...with all that being said thank god the IR spot was added this year, or else I'd be a mental case.

2. All you fucks gotta stop getting married, that’s it.

3. The only way I'll attend Ken's wedding if it is also our live fantasy draft, during ceremony...Sawyer can be the Vanna White who writes our picks up on the board.

4. Robby D where are you living these days?