OBITUARIES - 3RD PLACE - DILLY DILLY

Bud Light n the Dilly Dilly’s: 8-5

What Went Right?:

There are a couple of things that went well for Dylan, so let’s list them out.

The first thing is that everyone else passed on DeAndre Hopkins in the draft. Hopkins had an atrocious year in 2016 and as a result, fell right into Dylan’s lap at the end of the fourth round. This worked out immensely for Dylan as Hopkins is currently WR2 – he was the 37th player drafted and overall and 18th WR. Yes, I could have included this with “best roster move”, but this one’s more about good fortune than savvy drafting. Everyone fucked up on Hopkins this year and Dylan was fortunate enough to take a chance on him in the 4th round (ADP of 35, taken 37th). That’s not to say Dylan didn’t have any good pick-ups, we’ll go over those later. Anyways Hopkins has scored nearly 19 points per week and had 10 or more points in all but one game (scored 9, wahhhh). He had 6 or more receptions in 9 games and 70 or more yards in 11 games. Total stats to date are 96 catches, 1,380 yards and 13 TDs.

The second thing is the Bud Light marketing ad that came out mid-season. Dilly Dilly!! This is literally the most perfect commercial/saying for Dylan. It’d be like them coming up with a commercial where everyone salutes the Commish and says “Commish!!” Just perfect.

The third thing was one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen in fantasy. Dylan’s team scored 1,465 points this year, which was good for 6th most (112 per week). Meanwhile, Dylan’s opponents scored 1,523 or 117 per week. Wait…..so Dylan’s opponents outscored him on the year…. and he still made the playoffs? Yes, that happened.

The only other teams who scored fewer points than their opponents were Kev, Frader and Guy. They had a combined record of 9-30. Dylan went 8-5…. I won’t even get into how this happened.

What Went Wrong?:

The Greg Olsen injury in Week 2 was pretty brutal. Olsen hadn’t missed a game in NINE YEARS, but he missed 9 weeks this season. Go figure. Pretty tough break that robbed Dylan of his 5th round pick.

Speaking of robbery – Robby D ultimately doomed Dylan’s season. I bitched and moaned that Kenny put up 143 against me in the first round, but Dylan has every right to bitch and moan because Robby D put up 145 against him in the second round. On the year Robby D averaged 120, so he obviously outperformed his average. Not only that, but if Dylan had his optimal lineup in he actually would have won.....

Dylan lost 116-145, or by 28.7 points. While his starters scored 116 points, his bench put up 87. That’s more than Lamone’s entire team scored in the first round. Anyways - optimal lineups. If Dylan had started Greg Olsen over Evan Engram, he would have gained another 10.8 points. Further, if Dylan had started DeAndre Hopkins over Julio, he would have gained another 9.1 points. Lastly, if he had started Christian McCaffrey over Alfred Morris OR Jordan Howard, he would have gained 15 points. While that’s a lot of “IF….THEN”, the facts don’t lie. Dylan’s optimal lineup was better than Robby D’s. Unfortunately he just picked the wrong guys.

Best Roster Move:

Dylan had a bunch of good ones, starting with the addition of Evan Engram for $0 on September 27th. When Olsen went down Dylan had a huge hole in his roster at TE. Engram filled that hole admirably (insert filled that hole joke here, or don’t). The rookie TE is currently TE4 on the season and has 64 catches for 722 yards and 6 TDs. Not bad for a guy you picked up for free.

Davante Adams – Adams was another good move, acquired for the 57th pick in our draft (6th round). Even though he lost Aaron Rodgers, Adams is still WR11 on the year. He’s truly had a breakout season with 74 catches for 900 yards and trips to the end-zone. 

Devin Funchess – you funchess bitch you (Luma). On Sunday, October 8th Dylan picked up Funchess for exactly zero FAAB dollars. Although he’s had an up and down season, Funchess is still WR21 on the year. Since Dylan picked him up, he’s had 10 or more points in 6 of 11 games. (61 catches, 800 yards, 7 TDs total).

Alfred Morris – Dylan picked up Alfred Morris when Zeke was officially suspended and it worked out pretty well. Over the last 5 games, Morris has scored 71 points. He also put up 27 in Week 1 of the playoffs which helped Dylan pick up a win.

Kenyan Drake was another good pickup. Since becoming the full time starter he's scored 15, 18, 3, 12, 29, 30, 24 and 8 points in his starts. 

Worst Roster Move:

Rounds 7-15 in the draft were really bad for Dylan. Awful to be more precise. Out of the 9 picks he made, only one is still on his roster. I took a quick look and I’m pretty sure that’s the fewest or tied for the fewest in the league. In hindsight all of these picks were kinda terrible. Here’s the murderer’s row of fantasy studs: Willie Snead, Paul Perkins, Sammy Watkins, Jameis Winston, Terrance West, Theo Riddick, Matt Stafford, Giants D and Matt Prater.

Stafford is the only one still on Dylan’s team and he’s barely a top 10 QB. While Dylan nailed his picks during the first 6 rounds, he missed pretty bad in the later rounds.

Defining Moment:

When his team only put up 116 in the 2nd round of the playoffs. Robby D put up 145.5 while Keetz put up 140. It was pretty clear that Keetz and Robby D had the best 2 teams and those were the teams that made the finals.

Pre-Season Prediction:

I’ll predict that Dylan will go 7-6 and make the playoffs, but lose in the first round. He hasn’t made the playoffs in a few years, but I think he gets back there in 2017. While he has a good team and I personally like most of his players, I just don’t think he has quite enough to take the trophy. Still, I expect a solid season despite his questionable team name.

Correctly predicted he’d make the playoffs, missed his exit by one round. 4-4 thus far Commish.

Applicable Quote:

“I lost friends of mine, I guess it wasn’t my time. Timing is everything.”

That’s a quote from the song “Timing is Everything”, courtesy of the totally manly and not at all girly movie “Country Strong”. You could say this quote about most losses in fantasy (especially mine), but Dylan got a cold hard serving of fuck you by the timing gods. I mentioned Robby D put up 145 vs. Dylan in the 2nd round of the playoffs (Dylan had 116). Guess how many Robby D put up in the finals……108. That 37 point swing is pretty brutal.

Wrap It Up:

Dylan had a big bounce back year after missing the playoffs two years in a row. He proved that he’s still a threat in this league and is capable of putting good teams together when he’s motivated. I’m pretty sure I remember him saying something along those lines before the draft. Something like “I’ve definitely slacked on my research the last few years but this year I’m going all out.” He definitely put in extra work and it showed. Dilly Dilly.