WEEK 4 RECAPS - PART 1

Week 4 has come and gone and it was another entertaining week of the NFL. This has to be the craziest season in recent fantasy memory right? Maybe it’s just recency-bias, but every week we there seems to be crazy high scores and crazier performances.

Just for fun, let’s take a look at total points scored through the first 4 weeks. Through 4 weeks our 10 teams have scored a combined 5,020 points. Ipso facto, each team is averaging 125.5 points per week (5,020/4/10). Through four weeks of the 2017 season, the 10 teams had scored a combined 4,441 points. That’s an average of 111 per game. The increase in scoring from 2017 to 2018 is about the equivalent of a flex player – 14.5 points. Clearly this year is something special and it’s not just recency-bias.

Anyways let’s get into it. I’m back in busy season already (kill me now) so I’m pretty short on time. I’m also taking off most of Thursday and all of Friday for Pure Taige’s union with Pure Sam, so I have to keep this short. For this week’s entertainment, you’ll just get News and Notes. Nothing special, just a piece of news and a note about each team. I’ll try to step it up for next week when I have more time. 

Thanos anal snap defeats The GOAT and His Kids 153.8 to 115.8

NEWS: The big news of the week is that Tieg is getting married on Friday. Less than 48 hours from now he will be married, drunk at his reception and possibly on caramels. I will be the same, give or take the caramels part. Either way I’m looking forward to a fun weekend down in Amelia Island. I’m a little nervous about the heat though. I’m a sweaty greasy Greek fuck and my white dress shirt is going to look like the wax paper under a cheese pizza come 7 PM on Friday night. Guess I’ll have to bring a spare shirt…. Anyways congratulations to Tieg - we all wish you and Sam a happy life.  

NOTES: The most noteworthy note is that Tieg started Ryan TannEhill vs the Patriots, LOL. Tannehill scored .7 points…. But Tieg still won.

My reaction reading the box score

Yes, even though he started Tannehill, Tieg still won. The crazy part is that Tieg sat Jared Goff for Tannehill. Jared Goff and his 48.5 points. If Tieg had started Goff, his point total would have been 201.6. TWO HUNDRED POINTS. Regardless it was a huge win and you don’t usually get the win when you make a mistake like that. An early wedding gift from the fantasy gods I suppose.

The GOAT and His Kids loses to Thanos anal snap 115.8 to 153.8

NEWS: The big news revolves around Kev’s bench. Alshon Jeffery played in his first game and had a huge week against the Titans – 22.5 points on 8 catches, 105 yards and a TD. Bigger news is that Mark Ingram is done with his suspension. Kamara is the unquestioned starter, but Ingram will still produce. The biggest news is that Le’Veon Bell has announced a return date. Kev will be without his first rounder for 3 more weeks, but at least there’s finally some certainty. All in all a lot of news for Kev this week.  

NOTES: Kev has an unbelievable team, arguably the best in the league. TB12, Kyle Rudolph, Eagles D, Justin Tucker. All elite options, all starters on most teams. His RBs are Marshawn Lynch, Mark Ingram and the Steelers starting RB. His WRs are even better – Mike Evans, AJ Green, Jarvis Landry and the aforementioned Alshon Jeffery. Maybe this really is Kev’s year.  

SLAMMY TWATSKiNS defeats The West Canaan Coyotes 121.6 to 102

NEWS: David Johnson lives! The Cardinals star running back had his best week of the season against the Seahawks and go figure it came against my team. Anyways he put up season highs in carries (22), rush yards (71), receiving yards (41) and most important, fantasy points (21.1). While the rushing efficiency was poor, 25 touches is exactly the kind of production you were looking for when you drafted him. Before this game, DJ was averaging 14 touches per game on 11 carries and 3 catches per. He nearly doubled those numbers which was a huge relief for his owners.

NOTES: Props to Lamone for the win, 2-2 is a hell of a lot better than 1-3. That said, this was one of the ugliest fantasy win I’ve ever seen and Lamone should be thanking his lucky stars. His RB2, WR1, WR2 and FLEX combined for 24.6 points…. And he still won. How? No, really, how…… I still don’t get it. I guess it’s because he got 60 combined points from Andy Dalton and Jared Cook? That and my team shit the bed.

The West Canaan Coyotes lose to SLAMMY TWATSKiNS 102 to 121.6

NEWS: My team is human after-all. Through three weeks my team was averaging 150 points per game which is prettayyy prettayy prettayy good. Unfortunately we fell off a cliff this weekend and barely eclipsed 100. Nothing to say here, this is just pure regression to the mean.

NOTES: For how ugly Lamone’s win was, the loss was even worse from my perspective. Drew Brees scored 10 points when the Saints scored 33? Lamar Miller scored 7.7 when the Texans scored 37? I sat Calvin Ridley and his 19 points for Michael Crabtree and his pitiful 4.4? Christian McCaffrey had a bye in Week 4? None of that makes sense. You know in the movie Varsity Blues when Billy Bob is crying in his locker? That’s how I felt after this loss.

CRY ME A RIVER YOU FAT FUCKIN BABY!

skErtz skErtz w Mahomiez defeats Dalvin CooKens African Rhino 168.5 to 128.4

NEWS: Congratulations to Dylan on his 1st place standing and high score for the week. 168.5 points is incredible and is the highest any team has put up all year. That’s $25 in Dylan’s pocket and I’m not sure anyone will be able to top that output. The star of the game was Alvin Cheat Code Kamara  - 19 rushes, 134 yards, 3 TDs. 5 catches, 47 yards. The 45.2 fantasy points were unbelievable and it was the highest for any non-QB this week. Kamara has already put up 42 or more points TWICE this season….. There are 7 very stupid people in this league - aka everyone who picked #2-#8 in the draft and didn’t take Kamara.

NOTES: Dylan almost topped 170 despite losing both Leonard Fournette and TY Hilton to injury this week. While Hilton was able to come back in the game and score 15.5 points, he’s been ruled out for Thursday’s game vs. the Patriots. With a long break between games he should be fine for Week 6. Fournette on the other hand – he’s been the biggest bust in fantasy football. On the year he’s scored just 15 fantasy points. The lowest for a first round player is Le’Veon Bell’s 0, but that doesn’t count. Aside from Le’Veon Bell, the lowest point total for a first round pick is Odell Beckham with 54 points. Fournette is likely facing a multi week absence with a bad hamstring.

Dalvin CooKens African Rhino loses to skErtz skErtz w Mahomiez 128.4 to 168.5

NEWS: Speaking of Odell Beckham…. What is going on with Robby D? The guy who’s made the finals three years in a row now finds himself at 0-4 and bottom of the league? While the average team in our league is putting up 125 per week, Ken’s African Rhino is averaging an anemic 104. The #1 team in our league (Dylan) has scored 551 total points, or 137.8 per week. That’s only 34 more than Bob D, no big deal. The Rhinos need to turn it around and turn it around fast, or this could be a lost season.

NOTES: The way karma works in this league is pretty funny. On Sunday I led the charge in calling out Robby D for not starting a TE. I thought he had given up on his team already, but apparently he was really high on Jordy Nelson and didn’t want to drop him. I then (along with others) harassed him into picking up a TE in order to field a full roster. He went with Benjamin Watson which seemed like a good call, but it didn’t work out. (Watson only scored 2.8 points while Jordy scored 15.3.) Ultimately Robby D would have had the same result if he didn’t start a TE at all, which is kinda funny but also makes me look like an ass. Even more so than I normally do.

The karma continued – as I was calling out Robby D, my team was shitting the bed and losing to Lamone’s sorry ass team. Finally, the coup de grace….. Robby D just added Corey Davis for Ben Watson when waivers cleared. Corey Davis, who I drafted in the 6th round and dropped right before Week 4. Corey Davis who scored 28 points last week immediately after I dropped him. Karma.