WEEK 1 RECAPS - MATCHUP 4, 5 AND INTERVIEW
Matchup 4: Zeke – a – Tyreek 147.3 vs. skErtz skErtz w Mahomiez 136.9
First Quarter: Dylan was a tough luck loser on Sunday and would have beat 5 other teams in the league. Ironic that I was THE tough luck loser, because we met up for the games on Sunday afternoon. I thought it would be a glorious Sunday filled with beers, dips, darts and the pen. I didn’t know whether to dress for the party or the business meeting…. so I kind of dressed for both. But it didn’t matter….
“Why not?”
Because I wasn’t invited over to Dyl’s for either one.
“What were you invited over there for?”
An ambush……
Second Quarter: Dylan lost by 10.4 points on Sunday, which is a slim margin in our league’s scoring. I’d go so far as to say losing by 10 or fewer sucks in any league. You know what really sucks? When your 2nd round pick has 8.8 points in the first quarter and misses the rest of the game with an injury. That’s exactly what happened to Dylan when Leonard Fournette left Sunday’s game with a hamstring issue. Fournette had 9 carries and 3 catches for 55 total yards and 8.8 points. I’d be willing to bet if he had played the rest of the game, he could have got 10 more points – that would have got Dylan the win.
Third Quarter: We may have seen both the best RB in the league and the best WR in the league in the Keetz vs Dyl matchup. Alvin Kamara is a cheat code and he is going to put up Madden 2011 numbers all year long. While his rushing totals don’t jump off the page (8/29), his receiving numbers and ability to find the endzone are unparalleled. 9 catches is tied for 5th best among all players and his 112 receiving yards were 12th best. His 3 total TDs are tied with our next player for the most in the NFL.
That next player is Tyreek Hill – Keetz’ 3rd round pick. Hill caught 7 passes for 169 yards and 2 touchdowns this week, while adding a 91 yard punt return for good measure. His 50 fantasy points were the 2nd most of any player in Week 1 and the best among non-QBs.
Fourth Quarter: Keetz’ win didn’t come without a cost however, as Doug Baldwin sprained his MCL and will likely miss at least 2-3 games. Baldwin was a risk in the 4th round and the chickens have come home to roost. Don’t feel bad for the reigning champ though, he has Brandin Cooks coming off the bench (12 points in Week 1).
Overtime: This is random, but have to mention it – TEs were just awful, awful, awful this week. David Njoku looked like a huge breakout this preseason/on Hard Knocks and everyone had high hopes for him. Sadly, he laid up an egg in Week 1 - 2.8 fantasy points on 3 catches for 13 yards. That is simply not what you’re looking for. Keetz only spent an 11th rounder on him, but it’s frustrating to see how bad the TE position is.
Matchup 5: SLAMMY TWATSKiNS 113.3 vs. thanos anal snap 106.3
First Quarter: Just have to put this on the record – Tieg manned up and paid the $10 fine for not having a team name by the time the regular season started. Just because he did that I’ll probably give him the $10 back at some point – just the kinda Commish I am.
Second Quarter: I hate to say this because I liked him as a player, but Amari Cooper is a fucking bum. All summer we’re hearing about how Cooper is going to bounce back and how he was just injured last year. How Gruden historically peppers his #1 receivers with targets and how Cooper would get more looks now that Crabtree is gone. Literally none of those things happened. Cooper caught 1 pass on 3 targets for 9 yards. In a game they lost 13-33, the “Number One WR” only had 3 targets. Sorry to tell you Tieg, but your 3rd round pick is a scrub.
Third Quarter: Tieg actually had a pretty brutal week now that you look at it. Kareem Hunt scored just 8 points which is disappointing. Even though they were winning, the Chiefs didn’t use him to milk the clock. Tieg also lost Greg Olsen to an injury and it seems like he’ll be out for a while. I believe he hurt the same foot he did last year and he missed at least 8 weeks in 2017. Olsen was a staple of healthy/stability for much of his career, but I think that career is over. One silver lining – Tieg has Trey Burton on his bench. Poop on that silver lining – Burton had only 2 points in week one, in yet another disappointing TE performance.
Fourth Quarter: David Johnson got 17 points for Lamone, but you have to be somewhat worried about him. The Cardinals got absolutely trounced at home by the Redskins and the whole team looked inept. Johnson had 9 carries for 37 yards and 5 catches for 30 yards. Without a cheap TD, he would have scored just 10 points. I’m sure he’ll be solid every week, but we might be looking at a Zeke situation here - a talented player who just has to work SO hard for everything they get.
Overtime: Although Lamone got the win, his start to start the season hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. Let’s get word from the former champ.
WEEK 1 INTERVIEW – SLAMMY TWATSKiNS
1) Hey Luma, how's life treating you? It's been a big summer with the move to Austin and the engagement - why don't you fill the league in?
Life is good. Austin is great. Being engaged is a pain in the buns with wedding planning. Overall everything is great. I look forward to seeing all of you Shtable Boys complain about the snow. Got a new job managing a bunch of kids out of college which is pretty awesome.
2) Any plans to make it back to New England for the holidays this year?
I will be back during the Christmas break. Jaclyn and I have a week off in between Christmas and the New Year. I am not coming home for Thanksgiving after looking at the price of flights.
3) Now on to football. You've already suffered two season ending injuries, both to top 6 picks I believe (6 rounds*). Is there any explanation for this? Maybe you gravitate towards injury prone players or you ignore prior injuries?
Tale as old as time. Every year, in this league in particular, I get some kind of season ending injury. I draft based off of instinct. The NFL in general has an injury problem. The lack of hitting in practice leads to bad mechanics on game day.
Commish Note: Actually very insightful and 100% true. That and the human body just aren’t meant to withstand the shit these guys do.
4) On to the positive - how does it feel to have David Johnson back on your team?
Feels great to have DJ back on the team. Thieving Shatble Boy Jon Frader could not handle the David Johnson. I expect big things.
5) Big win over Tieg in Week 1, congratulations. Does beating Tieg feel just a little bit better than a normal victory?
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Cry baby Tieg Bean. Complaining that he lost and my defense playing poor so I should've been in the negative. The silver spoon was shoved into his buttocks. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The fact of the matter is that his team stunk. My team wasn't that great either, but at least the consistency was there. 3 of his starters did not eclipse 10 points. WAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Tieg called me on Saturday and told me Jared Gofful was going to win. This victory feels great. My biggest beef is with Robby D. Gifting Ken with a puss win. Robby D - take a shower and reevaluate your team. You lost to a guy who outsourced his draft to a guy in Russia. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Commish Note: SHOTS FIRED
6) Speaking of the victory - how important do you think it is to get a win in Week 1?
Very important. That said, I’ve won in Week 1 three of my 5 years in the league and lost in Week 2 4 of those years. It’s nice, but not important
7) Overall how do you feel about the team this year?
Not great. I had some reach picks. There was a lot of hype for McKinnon and Royce Freeman. Never believe the Hype. I believe I will miss the playoffs.
8) Last one, obligatory here: now that you're engaged, only half the league remains Django Unchained. Who's next??
Yikes! I'll say Guy. I feel like they have been dating since Bush was in office. So just a gut instinct.
