2019 RECAPS: 2ND PLACE
2nd PLACE: The Permian Panthers (11-2):
Coming in 2nd place with a regular season record of 11-2 and 1,839 points for (most) is The Permian Panthers, owned by the dumbass who can’t win this fucking league to save his life.
What Went Right:
Obviously when you have the best record in the league, scored the most points and built the best team, a lot of things went right:
Each of my first 5 picks made substantial contributions and were in my starting lineup for the finals. While it’s important to have a good draft from top to bottom, the first five rounds are the most critical. At the end of the day my first 5 picks are ranked 13th, 6th, 4th, 7th and 22nd in scoring at their positions. That’s a good success rate on top draft picks if you ask me.
I also didn’t have many injuries. Really I didn’t have any except for Joe Mixon being banged up for a few weeks (including the finals), Emmanuel Sanders having some bumps/bruises and Devin Singletary missing a few games.
I had the third fewest points against so that’s fortunate. It didn’t really matter because I scored the most points and had the best team and I would have won most matchups anyways, but still – 3rd fewest points against. I was actually close to the top in points against through 10 weeks, but my opponents shit the bed in Weeks 11-13 and averaged 89 points per week. I was averaging 134 per week in those weeks so like I said – the points against didn’t matter at that point. Ohhhh how they would matter later on.
I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the “Genius Move” section or not, but I’ll keep it here because it was such a big part of my success. Drafting Lamar Jackson with the last pick in the 11th round defined my season. He was in my lineup every single game aside from his bye and is obviously the reason I won so many games and had the best team/scored the most points (did I mention that already?). He’s broken all sorts of records and is the most exciting football player we’ve seen since Michael Vick circa 2004. Maybe the most exciting QB to ever play in the NFL. He averaged over 33 points per game by rushing for 1,200 yards, throwing for 3,100 more and accounting for 43 TDs (only 6 picks). He’s currently at 498.9 points, which is more than Patrick Mahomes scored in our league last year.
Similarly, the Patriots defense was a huge draft pick for me. I took them in the 13th round and they’ve been the #1 defense in football. They average 13.5 points per game and for reference… Amari Cooper averages 13.7. So... I got to play Amari Cooper in my D/ST spot.
What Went Wrong:
I’m so despondent I can’t formulate coherent sentences for this section. The only thing I can do is compile a list of ridiculous and disastrous bullshit that happened this past Sunday:
- Nick Chubb had his worst game of the season. He averages 21 a week and put up 7.5.
- Chris Carson had his worst game since Week 3. He was the #1 ranked RB coming into the week, and was projected for 23 points. He put up 8.1 points.
- After rushing for 136 yards against the Patriots in Week 15, Joe Mixon rushed for 50 against the relegation-eligible Dolphins in Week 16.
- After scoring 25 and 15 points in Weeks 14/15, Zach Ertz put up 4.8 in the finals. Fun Fact: Last year he scored 30 points against me in the finals when I lost to Dylan.
- Three of my players got injured during their Week 16 games: Carson, Ertz and Tyler Boyd.
- Lamar Jackson threw three TDs…. All 3 went to players on Keetz’ team.
- Mark Andrews was one of them and in fact he caught 2 TDs from Lamar. He only had two multi-touchdown games all year and one of them came in the finals. This was also his highest yardage total (93) since Week 6.
- Devonta Freeman only carried 13 times for 54 yards…. But caught 9 passes for 74 yards and a TD. His first receiving TD since Week 6.
- Speaking of between-the-tackle RBs who aren’t well known for catching passes but caught TD passes at a hilariously inopportune time: Mark Ingram also caught a TD.
- Both of Keetz’ RBs had fewer than 13 carries and fewer than 55 yards rushing, but both caught TD passes. That is such a mind fuck when you look at the box scores. You see those guys do jack shit on rushing stats and get excited, only to scroll down further and see them put up WR numbers and fuck you in the ass.
- DeAndre Hopkins scored 4.8 points… and Keetz still put up 150.
- Julio Jones has 166 yards receiving – his highest output of the season.
- I scored 156 and 186 in the first and second round of the playoffs – either would have been good enough to win in the finals.
- You would have to travel back to Week 10 to find the last time Keetz would have beat me in a head to head matchup. If I played him in Week 11, 12, 13, 14, or 15 I would have beat him. Play him in Week 16 and I lose.
- There were 16 weeks of regular season and playoffs. If I had played Keetz head to head every single week my record would have been 11-5. Aka there was almost a 70% chance I would beat him any given week. Not in Week 16.
- In back to back years my opponent has put up 150+ in the finals. Last year Dylan put up 172, this year Keetz had 150. Add em together and my opponents average 161 points against me in the finals. Obviously the teams in the finals are going to be good teams, but that’s just cruel.
I think that covers all of the nightmarish assfuckery that you couldn’t dream up in a George RR Martin novel.
Genius Move:
Good free agent moves from my squad: Devin Singletary ($30), AJ Brown ($0), Ravens D ($10), Hunter Henry ($0).
Before the season started, I traded my 7th round pick Tevin Coleman to Tieg straight up for his 6th round pick Cooper Kupp. At the time it was a decent trade, but Coleman is RB33 while Kupp is WR5. I clearly won, but more on this later.
Dumbo Move:
Drafting Josh Gordon in the 6th round was an absolutely awful decision. Corey Davis in the 10th round was bad too. Adding Mark Walton for $20 was poor.
Making a trade with Tieg was a bad idea. I’m incredibly superstitious and I can’t help but feel like it doomed my season or at least played some part in it. If I had won the league (lol) there always would have been that asterisk or black mark on the season and the fantasy gods just wouldn’t allow that to happen. Even though the trade was fair at the time – and I had self-vetoed the initial trade due to league backlash – I should have just left Tieg’s team alone and stayed away from the drama. Whenever sometime bad like this happens to me I always wonder “what did I do to deserve this?” I can’t help but feel like that trade was something I did to deserve this (among other things like kind of being a dick in the writeups.) I actually sat Kupp in the finals because I thought about this beforehand, but to no avail. (Ended up being the right decision.)
Pre-Season Prediction:
“I predict I’ll go 4-9 and miss out on the playoffs. I got extremely lucky last year in terms of scoring, injuries and breakout players and I think that swings back the other way a bit.”
Terribly wrong. 4.5 out of 9 on these predictions.
Final Thoughts:
I don’t even know how to close this out. For the second year in a row I had the best team, scored the most points and had a first round bye. For the second year in a row I had moral/emotional factors on my side. For the second year in a row everything lined up for me to take the next step and get this monkey off my back. For the second year in a row it all to come crumbling down on my head like a life-size jenga game.
This loss doesn’t hurt as bad as last year. You can have your heart broken multiple times, but that first time is the worst because it’s a new experience. The next time around you’re more prepared, more mature and simply put, it doesn’t hurt as bad. That said it still stings like hydrogen peroxide being poured into your dickhole. To make matters worse I couldn’t sleep on Sunday night because of this loss - combined with alcohol withdrawals/Sunday scaries/losing in the finals in another league. So I go into the week exhausted, then Baby Steve was brutal on Monday/Tuesday night and sure enough, I get sick. Not only did the remaining shattered pieces of my heart get ground into sand, but I also caught a cold just in time for Christmas. Awesome. Just awesome.
I guess I’ll just do what I did last year and after every time the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. Get back up, wipe off the dust and work harder. As I said last year - at least I can live my life knowing that I’ll never win this league. Hopefully if I ever lose the finals again it’ll hurt even less than this time.