Week 5 Recaps - Matchup 2 and 3 — Protector Of The League

Matchup 2: FLACCOPiAN TUBES wins 148.7 to 148:

Wow, what a HUGE win for the FLACCOPiAN TUBES this past week. An Eric Decker sized win (to steal a joke from various sources). A giant, Jesse James Decker sized win.

Lamone won this week by .7 points, which equates to 7 yards. When you have an entire matchup decided by 7 yards and it goes in your favor, that’s awesome. As you can imagine, it’s the closest win we’ve seen this year. Rob D beat Tieg by 1.7 points in week 4, but this of course is closer. Congratulations to Lamone. Don’t worry, that luck won’t come back and bite you in the ass any time soon.

Lamone’s 148.7 points were the highest in the league this week, so let’s look at some of the reasons why. The first reason of course, is David Johnson. The best running back in the NFL (there is almost no room to argue that) scored 40.4 points on Thursday night football, which was the highest number any player put up last week. (#2 was ya boy, Tom Brady with 38). The Cardinals didn’t have Carson Palmer in this game, but it actually benefited David Johnson. He turned his 27 carries into 157 yards (5.8 YPC) with 2 touchdowns and also caught 3 passes for 28 yards. This was his highest carry total of the season and was actually the only time he exceeded 20 carries in a game. For Lamone’s sake, let’s hope Carson is out again this week.

I realize this isn't from last game but holy shit.

Theo Rat Dick City also had a huge game for Lamone, putting up 25.4 points on 82 total yards and 2 touchdowns (6 catches, 11 carries). Riddick has now put up 10 or more points in every single game, while topping 20 points twice in 5 weeks. Unfortunately for Lamone, Theo Rat Dick City is injured and may miss week 6. Fuckin A, I should have drafted him and made that my team name.

The only areas of concern were Lamone’s wideouts, DeAndre Blumpkins and Marvin Jones. The two of those guys combined for just 25 points. That doesn’t sound that bad, but consider this: both scored a touchdown in their games and without those, they would have combined for fewer than 13 points. Hopkins was especially discouraging, as his was pure garbage time. Oh well, huge win for the TUBES.

Matchup 2: Zeka-A-Virus lost 148 to 148.7:

And now on to the person who got fucked over. Man, what a brutal loss. I imagine it feels the way I feel every day at work....

The worst part is that it really looked like Keetz would win this game. Going into the Monday night game, Keetz was down by 10. He had Jameis Winston and Mike Evans, while Lamone had Greg Olsen and the Panthers D. To add more intrigue, Cam Newton was not playing and Greg Olsen was to catch passes from Derek Anderson. Derek Anderson of the Cleveland Browns fame. If you had given me odds on that, I would have taken Keetz. Then again, I’m in last in the pickem and am a terrible gambler. Anyway, Olsen and the Panthers D combined for 26.6 while Evans and Jameis combined for 35.4. All of this resulted in a .7 point loss. Just brutal.

To look at the positives, Ezekiel Elliot is a freak. Did everyone else see that 60 yard run he had against the Bengals? He had a pretty big hole, but the safeties had him dead to rights. He burst right through them, splitting the both of them and went untouched for the TD. It was pretty incredible

I said that David Johnson was the best RB in the NFL, but Zeke deserves to be in that conversation. The only RBs I’d take over Zeke are Johnson and Le’Veon Bell. I think most of you would agree with me on that one.

TY Hilton has been another key contributor for Keetz, netting 30.1 points this week. When Donte Moncrief went down, I figured it would hurt Hilton. I thought defenses would focus on him and double him in some cases. The exact opposite happened and the Colts are force feeding him the ball. In the last three games, Hilton has 25 catches, 387 yards and three touchdowns. All of that adds up to 73.2 points in three weeks. Oh yeah, he’s the third highest scoring WR in ALL OF FANTASY FOOTBALL. Pretty nice steal in the 4th round.

Overall it was a really tough loss for Keetz, but these things tend to even out. I’d be willing to bet he draws a win this week and gets back to .500.

Matchup 3: Marty Huggins wins 119.7 to 99:

What a turnaround for Guy. After dropping his first three games, he’s now 2-3 and has a chance to get to .500. He’s pretty much had must win games the last two weeks and in both cases, he’s been able to capitalize. As much as I love to use this GIF, Guy’s team is no longer A MESS.

The first guy I’ll talk about is Carlos Hyde. Hyde has been absolutely huge this year, coming in as the #5 scoring RB in fantasy after 5 weeks. He’s scored 6 touchdowns on the year and has had games of 26.9, 7.5, 32.3, 17.4 and 24.8 points. That 7.5 point game aside, those are insane numbers. When your 5th round pick is averaging more than 21 points a game, things are going well. It’s strange to me that other teams don’t stack the box against the 49ers, but hey, what do I know. It works on Todd Gurley, may as well try it. Hyde could be a sell-high candidate for Guy right now, I’m not sure this pace continues. He’s pretty much on pace for 18 touchdowns, which is crazy.

Up next on the docket is Brandon Marshall. His 23.4 point game was his highest of the year and it seems like he has broken out of his early season slump. Through 3 weeks, he had scored a total of 24 points with no touchdowns. Over the last two weeks, he’s scored 40.3 points with 2 touchdowns. Now that Eric Decker is out, Marshall should receive even more looks. Play him with confidence going forward Guy.

I won’t mention Odell Beckham here, but he did finally break his touchdown drought. He’s still out of the top 25 for WRs in scoring, but better days are coming. Instead, we’ll look at CJ Anderson. What the hell is happening with him? In week 1, he exploded for 31.9 points and I thought he was going to be a top 10 guy. Week 2 he went off for 20.8 points and that still held serve. The last three weeks things have changed, as CJ’s outputs dropped to 7.4, 15.5 and 9.9 in weeks 3/4/5. Now all of a sudden I’m hearing whispers about Devontae Booker. I don’t think it’s time to panic, but my eye brow is certainly raised.

Matchup 3: Kens 20 Min Backroad Brisket loses 99 to 119.7:

Tough week for Robby D as he put up his second lowest point total of the season. The 99 he scored weren’t the lowest he’s scored this year, but they were tied for the lowest in the league this week. Oh well, he was due for some bad luck. Wait, why? I’ll tell you why. In week 3 and week 4, Robby D won by 6 points and 1.7 points. Two wins by a combined 7.7 points is insane. As you know, I believe in the law of averages. If you get that lucky, you’re bound to come down a bit. This was Robby D coming down off the high.

Coming off a high sucks. You feel tired, out of sorts, hungover, etc. It just sucks. That’s what Robby D’s team did and that is exactly what Julio Jones did this week. After killing the Panthers for 12 catches 300 yards in week 4, Julio managed just 2 catches for 29 yards in week 5. It was against the Broncos D, but still. That is awful. He’s actually done this twice this year. In week 2, Julio went for 21.1 points. He followed that up with 2.1 points in week 3. After putting up 47 points in week 4, he put up just 3.9 in week 5. I don’t know if it’s an every other thing, or if he’s coming off a high. Coming off a high sucks.

One positive was the pickup of Jacquizz Rodgers, what a great move by Robby D. With Doug Martin out and Charles Sims on the IR, Rodgers was the only RB the Bucs had this week. Robby D picked him up for zero American dollars on Saturday and was rewarded with 24.4 points. The Monday night game was weird, but Rodgers was a workhorse for the Bucs. He had 30 carries (which is certainly a career high) for 101 yards to go along with 5 catches for 28 yards. That usage is hard to find. So hard that Kenny, who owns Charles Sims, could not find it. Let's call Robby D - Mr Steal Yo Girl.

One more? Okay, one more. I don’t always talk about injuries in these write-ups, but when I do they are really unfortunate. Jordan Reed was diagnosed with a concussion this week, so Robby D will likely be looking for another tight end. It’s a shame really. Reed is one of the best tight ends in football and was the first tight end taken in our draft, other than Gronk (fuck yo couch Frader).