Season Obituaries - 6th Place — Protector Of The League

Two weeks of the playoffs down, one to go. The whole year comes down to this – championship week. The playoff field has been narrowed down to just two - Robby D and Lamone. Both of them are from Westford and both of them are arguably Mexican, but they both have a shot at the league title. These two league members have pretty interesting personal narratives as well. For Robby D, it’s a chance to redeem himself – he lost in the finals last year. For Lamone, it’s a chance to make an unprecedented run up the charts - from Gabriel to GW Bush League Champion.

In the mean-time, we have to keep moving with the season obituaries. I’ll probably only have time for 6th place this week, but I’ll get to 5th if I can. Either way, I’ll get to the rest over the Christmas break and hope to wrap these up by New Years. Only a few more write-ups left for the year, enjoy.

Marty Huggins (7-6):

Overview:

Coming in 6th place with a 7-6 record and 1,403.8 points for (LAST) is Marty Huggins, owned and managed by Guy Ritch Jr.. Guy is our reigning GW Bush League Champion, so he had high expectations coming into the year. The season started off rocky (0-3), but he turned things around and made the playoffs as the 6th seed. Unfortunately for him, the season ended in a brutal first round loss to Keetz. It was an excruciating loss….

What Went Right:

The fact that Guy scored the LEAST points in our league and still made the playoffs is pretty incredible. His 1,403 points comes out to 108 per week, which is really low in our league. The average team scored 119 points per week during the regular season. For comparison, you can look at Kev’s points total. Broke Back Caleb scored 119 points per week, right on the league average. Broke Back Caleb also missed the playoffs, which shows you how lucky Guy’s accomplishment was…..or how unlucky Kev is…you say tomato, I say tomaahtoo. By contrast, our highest scoring team was Keetz who scored almost 131 points per week. That’s a little ridiculous, but Keetz did score 23 more points per week than Guy did. Ball don’t lie.

What Went Wrong:

Guy made two early draft picks that turned out to be huge busts. The first was Dez Bryant and the second was Brandon Marshall. I’ll talk about Marshall first, since the story is easier to explain. Marshall was Guy’s third round pick, the 21st player taken in our draft. The draft slot was somewhat justified, as he was coming off the best year of his career. Too high for my taste, but justified based on his numbers during the 2015 NFL Season. In 2015, he turned 174 targets into 109 catches, 1,502 yards and 14 TDs. He was a huge steal for anyone who drafted him last year and he carried a number of teams to the playoffs (Keetz in our league). That being said, he was one of the obvious candidates for regression coming into the 2016 season.

Why was he a candidate for regression? (Guy asks). Let the Commish explain. First, the 14 TDs were his career high. In his 9 NFL seasons prior to 2015, he averaged just 7 TDs per year. Likewise, the yards were tied for his career high. In his 9 seasons prior to 2015, he averaged 1,085 per year. Solid numbers, but not sure they’re worth the first pick in the third round. Marshall also turned 32 during the off-season. I don’t know the numbers on receivers after they turn 32, but I can’t imagine they’re good. Lastly and most importantly, Ryan Fitzpatrick. Fitz also had the best season of his career last year, but comeon…we all knew that wouldn’t last. He’s the classic example of a guy who overproduces when no one counts on him, but totally lets you down when you buy in. Brandon Marshall was a pick that made sense based on numbers, but was ill-advised when you think about the details.

Dez Bryant is definitely more confusing, I’m really not even sure why he was so bad. I guess it was because Romo got hurt and Dak Prescott became their QB. When that happened, the Cowboys turned into a run first team. And by that, I mean they became a run first, run second and run third team. Out of all 32 teams, they rank 29th in pass attempts this year, 20th in yards and 17th in TDs. Not ideal for your 2nd round draft pick – unless he’s the RB on that team. Dez did have some good games, but he was just so damn inconsistent. To highlight this, we can look at his week 13 and 14 scores, the last game of the regular season and the first round of the playoffs.

In those matchups, Dez scored 16.4 and -0.5. Yes, in the playoff game, he had one catch for 10 yards and a fumble. Guy lost that matchup by .7 points, all because of Dez.

Best Owner Move:

Not a ton to pick from here, but I’ll go with Fat Rob Kelley. Guy picked up Rob Kelley for zero American dollars on October 29th. Kelley scored 18.9 points on 21 carries, 87 yards and a TD the very next day. He had officially taken the starting job from Matt Jones and was one of Guy’s starting RBs the rest of the season (for the most part). Despite not playing significant time until week 8 (when Guy got him), Kelley is a top 30 RB as of press time. In the 7 games he’s started, including week 8, Kelley has totaled 124 points - 17.75 per week. A lot of this was due to a 39 point outburst in week 11, but he scored 15 or more in 4 of the 7 games. Solid move by Guy.

Worst Owner Move:

I would say drafting Dez and Brandon Marshall back to back was bad, but you can see where Guy was coming from. I could also say waiting until the 4th round to pick an RB, but his RBs turned out okay (CJ Anderson, Carlos Hyde, Crowell, Kelley). Instead, I’ll say what he didn’t do. And that was work the waiver wire…….. Huh? Didn’t you just say Rob Kelley was a great pickup? I did, but let the Commish explain.

In 15 weeks of fantasy football. Guy made just 11 roster moves. You read that right, he only add/dropped 11 times in 15 weeks. Not even one per week. By comparison, Lamone has 57 and I have 37. The first time he added or dropped a player was October first, A FULL MONTH after the draft. That is pretty insane. It shows complacency, which I think ultimately doomed Guy. He thought the same strategy he used last year would work. He thought that whatever he touched would turn to gold. The hustle wasn’t there. Unfortunately for him, it led to the fewest points in the league and a first round playoff exit. To be frank, he’s lucky he even made the playoffs.

Historical/Pop Culture/Literary Comparison:

Guy’s historical comparison will be Napoleon Bonaparte, aka Napoleon I - the Emperor of France, the King of Italy and the Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine. I’ve read a little bit about Napoleon over the years and he’s always piqued my interest. He’s a pretty fascinating historical figure and definitely one of the most divisive. Opinions on him vary from “greatest military leader in world history” to “petty tyrant” and everywhere in between. I choose to lean more towards the former and you’d probably agree if you read about all of his accomplishments.

For the sake of giving background, Napoleon was born in Corsica in the mid 1700s. Corsica is a contested island off the coast of Southern France/Northwest Italy – at one point it was independent, at one point it was part of Italy and for the last 300 years it has been a part of France. As for his upbringing - NB was born in the upper-middle class. He received regular schooling while he grew up and he joined the French army when he was 16 years old. Around this time (1785-1790), the French Revolution broke out. Napoleon rose up through the ranks of the French army during the revolution and quickly became a respected officer. All of the turmoil and political unrest afforded Napoleon some serious opportunities - opportunities that he took advantage of.

For reference - Corsica on the left side

His first major appointment came in 1796, when we was appointed to lead the Army of Italy. He had some success and some failures during his time in that position, but overall it helped his career. He returned to France in 1799 and helped lead a successful coup d’état which landed him as the French Consulate. This was a really powerful position, basically the dictator of France. Napoleon consolidated and strengthened his power over the next 5 years through political and military means. He invaded Northern Italy and Austria and declared war of Britain. His power grew immensely and by 1804 he was declared the Emperor of France.

Over the next 8-10 years, he expanded the French Empire through military aggression. He fought in countless, never-ending wars and achieved many victories. Unfortunately, he started to over-exert himself and the French army. The major turning point in his career was his invasion of Russia, which occurred during 1812. He suffered terrible defeats and within 3 years, his reign was over. (A ton happened in between this time, but this is getting absurdly long.) He did retake power at one point, but ultimately lived the last 5-6 years of his life in exile. He died at the semi-young age of 51 and his legacy still lives on.

SO HOW THE FUCK IS THIS LIKE GUY? I can finally get to the point. First, Napoleon Bonaparte is not even his real name - his birth name was “Napoleone di Buonaparte”. Likewise, Guy is technically not even Guy’s name. As far as I know, his name is actually Howard.

Second, I mentioned above that Corsica was part of Italy at one point. A little known fact is that Napoleon was actually more Italian than French in terms of his heritage. I also mentioned that Corsica was a contested land. It was sort of its own nation, but kind of part of Italy. In the 1700’s, the French conquered it and made it part of France. Guy is from a similar place, a place called Connecticut. Connecticut, like Corsica, is torn between jurisdictions. It’s not part of New England, but it’s not part of New York. It’s kind of its own thing, but it’s such a small state (also like Corsica). Geographically, it makes sense.

Going along with this, Napoleon was often caught in the middle of this Italy vs. France vs. Corsica thing. During his youth and early career, there were three major movements in Corsica. There were Corsican Nationalists who wanted to be an independent nation and there were revolutionaries who wanted Corsica to be a part of Italy. Thirdly, there were royalists, who wanted to be loyal to France. Napoleon bounced around between these three groups before finally landing on loyalty to France. Again, HOW IS THIS LIKE GUY…. If you think about Connecticut and their sports allegiances it makes sense. CT is a “swing state” when it comes to sports and there are three movements. There are Jets/Mets, Yankees/Giants and Sox/Patriots. Guy was forced to choose at a young age. Interestingly enough, he is a Sox fan but hates the Pats…….at least he doesn’t like any NY teams though.

John Emma Guy and Kern do the Sox - Spring 2015

Napoleon is widely remembered as a great General, but he was much more than that. While his armies were celebrating their victories, he was working on social reforms, developing higher education and revamping the legal system. One of his major accomplishments off the battlefield was the Napoleonic Code. It was a civil law code that brought about a number of legal reforms and was used by many different nations. While his armies were training and in camp, he was still being a statesman. This is like Guy before the draft. While we were all drinking and getting FUBAR, he was on a work call. While we were all doing the draft like chickens with our heads cut off, Guy was off in the corner blocking out the noise. A true statesman.

The last thing I’ll mention is that Napoleon was famous for his intellect and will. It is said that he was a great speaker and was able to intimidate people during negotiations. This is sort of like Guy as well - if you’ve ever been on the wrong end of one of his rants then you know what I’m talking about. One time he yelled at me for scratching the floor at East Second street and it felt like my boss yelling at me haha (laughing as I type this). Dylan actually said something like this last week – “when Guy gets mad it’s like he grows to be 7 feet tall”… or something along those lines. It’s pretty true though, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. In this regard, Guy and Napoleon are similar.

Commissioner’s Prediction:

I liked it better when Guy was a knowledgeable but under the radar owner. Now his head is so big it’s a wonder it doesn’t have its own zip code.

Anyways, as you can deduce, I predict that Guy will repeat as the GW Bush League Champion. He’ll go about 8-5 during the year, capture a first round bye and coast to the league title. It’ll be the first time in league history that someone repeats, which is depressing. Oh well, facts are facts, Guy’s team looks really good.

I predicted that he would make the playoffs, so 3 for 5 right now. That’s pretty much the only thing I was right about. Guy barely made it into the playoffs and didn’t even come close to the title this year. Oh well, can’t get em right every year (I was only one game off on the record though).

Final Notes:

As I mentioned above, I think Guy got a little complacent this year. I’m not sure he took the competition seriously, which is a grave mistake in fantasy football. In a league as competitive as ours, it’s as good as a death sentence. He’ll have to give up the trophy, which I’m sure Kierney will be happy about. I can’t imagine any wife or GF wants that thing in their apartment. Mailing it back East might give him a little more motivation though, a little more reason to try harder next year. Overall I think Guy will be fine. He’s a solid member of the league and I’m sure he’ll be right in the thick of things next year. Whether he actually drinks during the draft however, is anyone’s guess.