Season Obituaries - 4th Place — Protector Of The League

WellJustTellUr MothrWeAteItAll (7-6):

Overview:

Coming in 4th place with a 7-6 regular season record and 1,512.6 points for (7th best) is WellJustTellUr MothrWeAteItAll owned by your Honorable Commissioner, John Cannellos. My team had a pretty solid year and defeated Darth Vader in the first round of the playoffs. Unfortunately that was the last win of the season for my squad and we finished out of the money. (For all the time I put into this league I could at least get my fuckin money back, fuck the Cowboys/Keetz).

What Went Right:

Let’s call a spade a spade – you know something went right for you when you have the least points against. The 1,440.1 points scored against my team were the lowest in the league and 263 fewer than the highest points against – Frader’s 1703. That’s pretty insane, 263 points is more than two weeks’ worth of points. Having said that, our Chump/Champ Lamone only had 4 more points scored against than my team. Also, the league average was only 109 more than my total, so I guess it’s not thaaaaattt bad. Still, fewest points against is fewest points against.

I’m going to defend myself a little here, because I’m honestly shocked I had the fewest points against. On the season, my opponents averaged 111 points per game against me. The league average across all 10 teams was 119. Basic match shows that I was just 8 points per week below the league average. Further, if you remove the first four games of my season, my opponents averaged 118 – right on the league average. What I’m saying here is that I didn’t make the playoffs just because I had the lowest points against. Moving on.

What Went Wrong:

Losing AJ Green after week 10 was the worst thing to happen to me this season. Sure, my running backs underwhelmed and sure, Amari Cooper is a fuckin bum, but losing AJ Green ensured that I would not win this league. Going into week 11, AJ was top 2 in the NFL in receiving yards (he may have been first, I forget). He was pretty much all the Bengals had on offense and he was killing it. He only had 4 touchdowns in those ten games, but he had 66 catches for 964 yards (averaging 6 for 96 a game is pretttaayyy good).

I think most of you saw this, but the way he got hurt was just brutal. He actually started his week 11 game, a matchup against the Bills. Sadly for me, he went down ON THEIR FIRST DRIVE with a hamstring injury and hasn’t played a down since. Just to annoy me, the Bengals never declared him out for the season. Guess what? He rotted on my bench and didn’t play the rest of the season. To make matters worse, I had him on two of my teams. Worst day ever.

Best Owner Move:

Adding Jordan Howard after week 3 was arguably the best move I made all season. Jeremy Langford went down with an injury and I needed an RB. I spent $30 dollars on Howard and he was worth every penny. The first week I had him, he scored 22.3 points on 131 all-purpose yards. He followed that up with a 30 point outburst on 165 all-purpose yards and a TD in week 5. In week 6, he scored a solid 14 points. In total, he scored 66.3 points combined over those three games – all games my team won. Pretty solid pickup, one of my best moves of the year.

Worst Owner Move:

While adding Jordan Howard was the best move, dropping Jordan Howard before his week 8 game was the worst move. Actually, it was the worst move I made in any of my five leagues this year, draft busts aside. But wait, he just killed it for me... Why in the name of all the Game of Thrones gods would I drop him??? Unfortunately, the Fantasy Football Media crew got in my head. All of the pundits were doubting Howard’s long term value. All were saying the three good games were an aberration. All of a sudden, Kadeem Carey was stealing touches. Etc etc etc. I started to doubt Howard and he made me think I was right when he put up 3.6 points against the Packers in week 7. Things were not looking good for him and he was headed to a week 8 matchup with the Vikings - that would be followed by a bye. The Vikings were awesome at that point in the season, so I assumed I wouldn’t get anything out of Howard for the next two weeks. I decided to drop Howard two days before his Vikings matchup and then hoped to get him back after his bye.

THAT DID NOT WORK OUT. Howard went on to have his second best game of the season against the Vikings, putting up 26 carries for 153 yards and 36 fantasy points. Right after that, Robby D cheated me out of him by outbidding me on waivers ($31). Howard would go on to score 14 or more points in every game for the rest of the season. He’s currently the 9th highest scoring RB and if it weren’t for Zeke Elliot, would be in the conversation for Rookie of the Year…..Fuck me. Pitcher’s got a big butt indeed.

Historical/Pop Culture/Literary Comparison:

For my literary comparison, we’re going to take a look at Robb Stark. ****SPOILER ALERT**** If you have not read/watched A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones then STOP READING.

Robb Stark is a character from our favorite book series A Song of Ice and Fire, brought to life by our favorite television series, Game of Thrones. He’s 14 years old when the books begin, but since the show ages everyone up, I’d say he’s around 18 years old when we first see him on the Home Box Office. Robb is the eldest son of Eddard and Catelyn Stark and the elder brother of Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon Stark. He’s a half-brother/cousin to Jon Snow and friend to Theon Greyjoy. In terms of physical features, he takes after his mother. While Robb is his “mother’s son”, he shares his father’s views on honor, justice and military matters. The show/books are so detailed and so much happens in them, but I’ll try to give the cliff notes version here.

When the show begins, he is the Heir to Winterfell. The Starks are happy and everything is great. Soon after the show opens, his Father leaves their home to become the Hand of the King (see Tieg’s review for reference). Over the course of Book1/Season 1, the King dies and his Father is betrayed then taken prisoner by the Lannisters/Tieg. As we know, Westeros is a feudal society. As such, the Starks have a number of vassal lords that are supposed to be loyal to them. In the show, they’re called “banner men”. After his Father is taken prisoner, Robb calls his banner men to join his side. They fight a few battles and things are going well for him. Unfortunately, things escalate quickly. In the most shocking death in TV/literary history – Robb’s Father is killed by King Little Dick Joffrey Lannister. This makes Robb the Lord of Winterfell and at this point, all bets are off. Robb’s men declare him King in the North and he leads them further south to continue the war against the Lannisters/Tieg. The next 2 seasons of the show are about his journey.

In season 1 and for most of season 2, Robb has huge success. He gains the support and trust of his banner men and wins a number of battles. Eventually though, things start to turn sour for him. He’s betrayed a few times, makes a few bad decisions, Stannis fucks up and he is ultimately killed by the men that are supposed to be loyal to him. The Lord of Winterfell, the King in the North and the Young Wolf is dead. Aside from his Father Ned Stark, it is the saddest death in TV history. Including his Father’s death, it may be the most shocking.

So how is this like me? Well, for one, Robb and I are both extremely handsome. Look at this stud:

Second, we’re both good with the ladies. Lady Talisa is one of the best looking women on the show and I’m marrying Emma who is very attractive ;)

For realz though, there are some similarities. Robb faces a good deal of doubts and opposition as he rises to power. His banner men defy him at first and then continually test him. In season 1 it’s GreatJon Umber and after that it’s Rickard Karstark and Roose Bolton. The ultimate test comes from Walder Frey. This is like me in the league. All of you guys give me shit since I’m the Commish. You undermine the work I do whenever possible and everyone thinks they could do better. That’s part of being the Commish or King though, everyone always seconds guesses the person in charge.

Taking that one step further, Robb is a very honorable, just and fair ruler. He respects all of his subjects and treats them with kindness. He tries to do things the “right way” and refuses to stoop to the levels of his enemies. “We’re not torturing them, Lord Bolton” – was a perfect example.

(Go to the 2:15 mark)**

In that clip, Robb refused to mistreat the enemy prisoners. I would be the same way – honor-bound. Just like Robb, I do the best I can to be as fair as possible. I work to make this league honorable and to do things the “right way”. I try to keep everyone in line and dole out justice where necessary.

Two more coming.....As I mentioned above, Robb had huge success at first. His first major test was to show his banner men who’s boss. He did that. After that, he had to negotiate with Walder Frey to cross the Twins. He did that. When it came to battle, he won his first two major battles – The Battle of the Whispering Wood and the Battle of the Camps. He wins other battles early on, such as the Battle of Oxcross and the Sieges at Ashemark, and the Crag. Things fell apart after that. This is like me in this league – I started this season ON FIRE. I went 5-1 through the first 6 games and sat at 6-2 after 8 weeks. Like Robb, things fell apart for me after that.

I won every battle, but I'm losing this war.

(Go to the 2:30 mark)**

Last but not least, our downfalls were similar. We both were done in by a million different events that all snowballed together. For Robb, it started when Theon betrayed him by switching sides in the war. After that, his mother betrayed him by freeing Jamie Lannister - Robb’s most valuable hostage. Along with Theon, the Boltons betrayed him by burning down Winterfell (we didn’t know this til later). The betrayals kept on coming when Rickard Karstark betrayed him. Robb had to dole out justice and kill Rickard Karstark, but that lost him half his army. The final blow was the Red Wedding. Robb was supposed to be celebrating the marriage of his uncle, but it turned into his own funeral.

And now for my downfall. Theon’s betrayal was like me dropping Jordan Howard. The freeing of Jamie Lannister was like when Keetz reneged on his trade offer – I lost something that was so valuable (Mike Evans). The Boltons betraying him by 1) burning down Winterfell and 2) returning Jamie Lannister to King’s Landing was like week 11, when 1) AJ Green and 2) Zach Miller both went down with injury. Want me to keep going? Okay, I’ll keep going. Rickard Karstark’s betrayal was like Tieg’s betrayal (trade with Ken). I had to dole out justice and take Tieg out of the playoffs.

The ultimate betrayal was when Lamone used a guy from my 2nd favorite team (Packers) to beat me in the semi-finals. That was like Walder Frey using Robb’s uncle to trick him and kill him.

Long Live the King in the North.

Commissioner’s Prediction:

Have to say this before I give the prediction. Thank you to everyone who helped me with the draft. Lamone made the board and got the envelopes. Keetz helped a lot as well between explaining things to drunk people and writing names on the board. I’m sure there were some other contributions I missed, I couldn’t have done it without you guys.

Anyways, I’ll predict that my team goes 5-8 and finishes as the second team out of the playoffs. I like the starting lineup I have and I believe my depth could be an asset, BUT there are some question marks with each of those depth options and I could easily see them being wasted picks. My TE spot is kinda weak and my QB1 is towards the end of the pack til Brady gets back. I won’t blame it on the fact that I was drugged and distracted during the draft, but I won’t not blame it on that either.

Pretty far off on my prediction – thought I would be 8th, but finished as 4th. Shooting 4 for 7 right now for about 57%. Meh.

Final Notes:

This was just such a typical year for me in this league. Pretty sure I finish about 7-6 and between 4th and 6th every single year. I’m always in the hunt, but never good enough to take the Iron Throne. I’ve made the playoffs every year but one, but have never made it to the title game. I guess it wouldn’t be fun if the Commish won the league, but just once I’d like to be rewarded for all my efforts. Oh well, if Lamone can win this league than anything can happen. ANYTHING IS POSSSIBLEEEE.