GW Bush League - WEEK 13 PREVIEW

My Lords,

Welcome to the first ever Weekly PREVIEW of GW Bush League action. As promised, this is the third installment of GW Bush League entertainment for the week. Also as promised, this won’t be a reactionary piece. For this article, essay, whatever you wanna call it – we’re looking ahead.

For each team we’ll preview the Week 13 matchups, examine their playoff hopes and try to predict their playoff runs – if applicable. Later on we can look back at these and see how correct I was on every one of them.

“Jakey-Jakey” Big Mistakey: 2-10

Week 13 Matchup: Guy plays Robby D this week in a rematch of their Week 3 tilt. Robby D won in a landslide - 173 to 70. Guy has the revenge narrative in his favor, but will likely be LeVeon’d to death.

Playoff Hopes: Sadly Guy has already clinched the Gabriel. Even if he wins, he’d have to out-score Kev by 250 points – give or take.

Predictions: I predict Guy loses 90 to 120. He’ll probably stop paying attention after that and will barely set his lineups for the consolation rounds.

2017 Gabriel - Howard G Ritch

JacksON Jacks-OFF: 3-9

Week 13 Matchup: Kev has a tough test against Keetz in Week 13. The 11-1 frontrunner vs. the 3-9 poster-boy for horrible fantasy football luck. The matchup won’t matter for the standings, but pride is always on the line.

Playoff Hopes: Kev has also been eliminated from playoff contention. It’s hard to pinpoint when he was eliminated, but I think it was somewhere during the 6 game losing streak he had during weeks 6 through 11. On the bright-side, he won’t be the Gabriel.

Predictions: Even though he’s projected to lose by 20, I say Kev gets a win this week. Is Keetz really going to go 12-1 in this league? That’s preposterous and I don’t think it’s ever been done. I say Kev gets the win and then does well in the consolation rounds. Kev over Keetz 115-110.

THE STAR OF LARRY DAVID JOHNSON: 4-8

Week 13 Matchup: While Kev and Guy don’t have much to play for, Frader has everything to play for. Namely, that he could officially end my season. While I’m not in the playoffs as it stands, there is a tiny tiny tiny chance I could make it.

If and when Frader beats me this week, he’d end my season and finish at 5-8. Obviously playing spoiler is fun, but there's more to it than that. If I was Frader I'd be proud of a 5-8 record. Considering he lost David Johnson and Amari Cooper was a colossal bust, a 5-8 record is pretty damn good. All of that aside it would be an ironic twist – the former college roommate and groomsman at my wedding would officially end my season. Gotta love/hate fantasy.

Playoff Hopes: Like our bottom three teams, the season is done for Frader. I guess you could say it happened in Week 10 when he lost his 8th game. Don’t hold me to this, but I don’t think any team has ever made the playoffs with 8 losses.

Predictions: Frader is on a roll right now and has won two straight. Although my team is projected to outscore his, I have this gut feeling that he’s going to shit on my season. I say Frader 120, Commish 100.

WHAT IF HE SHOT ME IN THE FACE? 6-6

Week 13 Matchup: Perfect segue from Frader’s team to mine. As I said above, this matchup is paramount to the playoff landscape. I’m currently projected to win, but that means absolutely nothing. My entire season comes down to this.

Playoff Hopes: I have been in the top 6 for the ENTIRE. FUCKING. SEASON. Not one week has passed where I didn’t have a playoff spot. All of that changed in Week 12 when Lamone put up 160+ against me. As a result, I find myself in the dreaded 7th slot. My team has only won 1 of its last 4 games and things are looking dreadful. Going further back, we’ve only won 2 of our last 6 which is even worse. While it feels like I’m Jon Snow in the body pile at the Battle of the Bastards, there are a few ways I could sneak in.

One: The Knights of the Vale come in and kill all of you. This would be my preferred option.

Two: I beat Frader and Dylan or Lamone lose. I’ve scored more points than both of them, so I would have the same 7-6 record. I currently have 56 more points than Lamone and 32 more than Dylan, so as long as I hang on to that I’d be in.

Three: I beat Frader and Tieg or Kenny lose. I’ve scored less points than both of them, so I’d need a better record than one of them to get in. I’d be 7-6 and one of them would be 6-7.  

Predictions: Frader 120, Commish 100. I’ll then go on and score 150 points in Week 14. I’ve made the playoffs 4 years in a row and I think it’s just time for a down year. Other than Tieg everyone has a down year here or there.

THE FOURNETTEUATE FEW: 6-6

Week 13 Matchup: Ken takes on Lamone in a matchup very similar to the Tieg vs. Dylan matchup. Not only could Lamone knock Ken out of the playoffs or vice versa, but it could really E.L. fudge up the seeding for the playoffs. And potentially be a preview of the playoff matchups. There’s also a lot on the line in terms of pride as Lamone is generally very vocal about roasting Ken - Ken Schneebly for example. Really I guess he’s vocal about making fun of everyone… I digress.  

Playoff Hopes: As of now Ken is in the playoffs. He’s on an unprecedented run and it seems like nothing can stop him. He’s 4th in points and has a sizable lead over me, Dylan and Lamone. That said, there is a way he could miss the playoffs:

I beat Frader, Ken loses to Lamone, Tieg holds on to the points lead (100 more than Ken).

THAT IS RICH!!! 

I can’t even type that without shaking my head, there is just no chance that happens. That is RICHH!!

Predictions: As I said, there is no way Lamone beats Ken this week. While the projections generally don’t mean shit, Ken is currently projected to beat Lamone 128-109. Ken is on a tear and has won three in a row – why not make it four? Also, Lamone just put up 163 points against me last week – some serious regression is coming. Overall I predict Kenny 122, Lamone 108.

Ultimately I think Ken makes it in as the 4th seed. Unfortunately he’ll lose his first round matchup vs. Dylan and won't make it to the money rounds.

CALEB’S BUKAkE PARTY: 6-6

Week 13 Matchup: Tieg has a big matchup vs. Dylan in Week 13. There are many playoff implications and this could actually end up being a preview of the First Round matchups. While Tieg is currently the 5th seed and would play Lamone in Round 1, here’s how he could play Dylan instead:

Get the spreadsheets out.

Ken beats Lamone, Tieg loses to Dylan and I lose.

In this case, Tieg would be #6 and Dylan would be #3. Ken would actually end up with the #4 seed and would play the #5 seed Lamone. This could easily happen.

Playoff Hopes: As of now, Tieg is in the playoffs. There is only one way he could miss out – if he loses to Dylan and I beat Frader. Let’s face it though – that ain’t gonna happen. This is Tieg, the only person in our league to have NEVER missed the playoffs. In fact, not only will he not miss the playoffs, he could actually end up as the #3 seed if:

Tieg beats Dylan, Ken beats Lamone. In that case, Tieg would be 7-6 and would beat Dylan/Ken/Lamone on points – he currently leads the entire league so he wins any tie breaker scenario.

Predictions: I predict Tieg 125 over Dylan 120. Dylan is currently projected to win, but as a wise man once said – projections look good until you get punched in the mouth.

In my scenario, Tieg gets in as the #3 seed and plays Lamone in the first round (Lamone loses to Ken in Week 13, see the next preview). Tieg will beat Lamone and make it to the second round, but lose to Robby D. He’ll ultimately finish 3rd place.

JABAAL PAP SHMEARD: 7-5

Week 13 Matchup: Lamone has a tough draw vs. Ken this week - the hottest team in the league. Although Ken has been en fuego, Lamone has been on quite a vaginal tear himself. That was a pap shmeard joke but probably didn’t’ land…..

Back to the drawing board....

While Ken has won 3 in a row, Lamone has won 3 of his last 4 and 6 of his last 9. Is Lamone being underestimated? I wouldn’t say so. Alvin Kamara is just carrying his team.

Playoff Hopes: Lamone is looking good for the playoffs, but there is one way he could miss:

I win and hold on to my points lead over him (56 pts), he loses to Kenny, Tieg beats Dylan.

Like with all other scenarios, it pretty much rests on my matchup vs. Frader. Which I will lose. That being said, anything could happen. Lamone has the lowest point total of all seven playoff hopefuls, so he really doesn’t want to get in a tie breaker scenario.

Predictions: As I said above, Lamone 108, Ken 122. I just think Ken has a better team than Lamone and the points scored/recent results would indicate that. Also, fuck Alvin Kamara. He’s not gonna put up another monster game this week. No way no how. Luke Keuchly is gonna shove him in a locker on Sunday. Count it.

While he’ll lose this week, I still predict he makes the playoffs as the #5 or #6 seed. If Tieg beats Dylan he’ll be #6, but otherwise he’ll be #5. I predict he makes it in as the #6 seed, then loses in the first round.

Bud Light n the Dilly Dilly’s: 7-5

Week 13 Matchup: Dylan plays Tieg this week in a pretty interesting matchup. It could potentially knock one of them out of the playoffs and/or impact seeding, but there’s more to it than that. Both are tall, have good hair and have nice places in Southie. Both have success with the ladies and both played sports at Bryant U (those are not mutually exclusive). I don’t know why, but I feel like there’s an underlying rivalry here. Or maybe I’m just creating one……

Playoff Hopes: Dylan currently sits as the 3rd seed, but there is actually a way he could miss the playoffs. Although it’s unlikely, it could happen if he loses to Tieg while I beat Frader and hold on to my points lead. In this scenario Lamone would also have to beat Kenny…….. I’m starting to see how unlikely all of that is.

Predictions: While I predicted that Dylan would lose to Tieg this week (120-125), he’d still enter the playoffs as the #5 seed. I then predict an upset over Kenny in the first round (#4 vs #5), before a crushing defeat to Keetz in the semi-finals. I really like Dylan’s team, but I think he finishes #3 this year.

LeveonStuffed Kens TacoBell: 8-4

Week 13 Matchup: Robby D plays Guy this week. Robby D beats Guy this week.

Playoff Hopes: Robby D is one of two teams that have officially clinched the playoffs. He’s also clinched the bye unless he loses to Guy, Dylan beats Tieg and Dylan scores 82 more points than him. I won’t even entertain that idea any longer than I already have.

Predictions: Robby D cruises into the playoffs with a 120-90 win over Guy. He gets the bye before taking out Tieg in the 2nd round. Bob will then make it to the finals, where he will lose for the 3rd year in a row. NOBODY CIRCLES THE WAGONS LIKE THE BUFFALO BILLS!

MIXONS HERE HYDE UR GURLEY: 11-1

Week 13 Matchup: Keetz plays Kev this week. Keetz beats Kev this week. If Keetz ever invents new headphones he names them “Keetz Beatz” and pays me royalties ad infinitum. Kidding, I predicted Kev would win this week so I gotta stick with it. I just find it so hard to believe that in a league with so much parity (usually), someone could go thirteen weeks losing just once. All of the indicators and projections shout that Keetz will win, but I’m taking Kev 110-115. GUT CALL.

Playoff Hopes: Keetz clinched playoffs sometime in Week 8 or 9. At that point he got his 7th and 8th wins, which is generally enough to get you in. He’ll get the first round bye no matter what happens this week.

Predictions: If you’ve been following along, then you know the ending – Keetz wins the finals this year. The Dylan matchup in Round 2 is the biggest test for him. As long as he gets through that then he’ll win it all.