OBITUARIES - 1ST PLACE — Protector Of The League

1ST PLACE

Team/Record/Owner:

Coming in first place with a regular season record of 7-6 and 1,674 points for (5th most) is skErtz skErtz w Mahomiez owned by Dyckbagdylan (DBD).

What Went Right:

DBD just got hot at the right time, no arguing that. After putting up the 5th most points in the season and a pretty poor 109 points in Week 13, his team exploded right when it was most convenient for him. While DBD averaged 128 points per game during the regular season, his team would go on to average 140 during the playoffs. This was all culminated by the 172 point shitshow during the championship game, his highest point total of the season. You cannot make up better timing than that and that’s mainly why he won.

The other major reasons he won are Alvin Kamara, Zach Ertz and Patrick Mahomes. Kamara was his 1st round pick and is currently RB5 on the season. He averages almost 25 points per game behind 194 carries, 81 receptions and 1,800 all-purpose yards. He’s also tallied 18 touchdowns which is the 2nd most of any player in the NFL (only Todd Gurley has more). Kamara has 14 rushing TDs on just 194 carries, which means he scores a TD every 13 carries or so. That’s ridiculous. I mentioned fortuitous timing before and Kamara was one of the lucky charms. Kamara failed to record a rushing TD in Weeks 11, 12, 13, or 14. In fact he only had 1 TD in that time (receiving). Then right when Dylan hits the final 2 weeks, Kamara records 3 TDs in the last 2 games. He had 7 carries for 23 yards in the finals….. and two rushing touchdowns. GTFOH. Oh and Alvin Kamara is inactive the next week. LOL.

Ertz was the other key piece of DBD’s team. The 4th round pick is TE2 on the season and has put up eye popping numbers from the TE position. He has the 2nd most receptions of any player in the NFL and the 113 receptions he has are actually an NFL record for any TE in a single season. The next highest TE has 98 (Kelce), but after that the 3rd highest TE has 79 (Kittle). He’s turned those into 1,148 yards, 8 TDs and 230 fantasy points. So how did the timing work out for Lucky Charms Whiting? Ertz put up 22.8 points combined in Weeks 13, 14 and 15 (17 catches for 143 yards no TDs). Then in Week 16, he put up 12 catches for 110 yards, 2 TDs and 31 fucking fantasy points. Awesome.

Mahomes also needs to be mentioned. The 2nd year QB is having arguably the best fantasy season of all time and has put up 477 fantasy points in 15 games. I don’t believe anyone has ever put up 500 fantasy points in a season, but he’s about to do that. He AVERAGES just about 32 points per game which is unfair. The next highest player is Todd Gurley with 414 points, so Mahomes has 63 more points than anyone else. In terms of QBs, Mahomes has 72 more than the next highest – Big Ben with 405 total points. 72 points is at least 2 weeks’ worth of games and that is absurd. What’s more absurd is that Mahomes didn’t have one single game with under 20 points. Not one.

What Went Wrong:

Not gonna waste anyone’s time here since he won the title, but for the sake of thoroughness I’ll mention Leonard Fournette. The 2nd round pick was injured and missed just about every game from Weeks 1 through 10 (including a bye). He did come back and put up some big numbers, but then missed Weeks 13 and 16 with injury. All in all Fournette only played and finished 6 of 16 games this season. Cooper Kupp also got hurt at one point, but everyone had at least 1 injury.

Best Owner Move:

I’ll mention Mahomes one more time because he was a late round pick. The 109th player taken in our draft in round 11 is the fantasy MVP. He has either 300 yards or 3 TDs in all but two games if you’re looking for more absurd stats. While he won’t hit the Peyton Manning 55 yard TD mark, he’ll definitely top 50 TDs on the year.

Kenny Golladay was added for $0 of FAAB on September 12th. Although he’s had some down weeks, he’s still WR19 on the season.

Elijah McGuire was added by DBD on Saturday December 15th right before the Semi Finals. Mcguire put up a solid 16 points on Dylan’s bench in Week 15, which was enough to convince Dylan to start him in the finals. Of course McGuire would go on to put up 25 in the title game….even though he only rushed for THIRTY FIVE FUCKING YARDS. He almost had more fantasy points than rushing yards (something Alvin Kamara did). Obviously this was the first time DBD started him all season. What a joke.

Speaking of dumb luck late season pickups - Jaylen Samuels was added for $23 on December 5th. In the three games since he was added, Samuels has scored 15, 25 and 16 points. Sweet.

Worst Owner Move:

Added Kenjon Barner for $21 and Ben Watson for $10 at different points of the year. Not great moves but meh. Couple other interesting add/drops but nothing major sticks out.

Draft Recap/Prediction:

“I say Dylan goes 7-6, makes the playoffs but loses in the second round. His RB duo of Fournette/Kamara is just absurd and the Ertz/Watson duo will give him an edge at TE/QB every week. I think he’s one breakout WR away from a deep playoff run.”

Got that one right and ended up at 50% for the year. Usually try to get about 60% right, but oh well.

Applicable Quote:

“Your grandfather was a thieving bastard shtable boy!”

Not much explanation needed here. DBD is a thieving bastard shtable boy. Sold his soul to the devil and stole the title from the rightful champ.

Final Thoughts:

Congratulations to DBD on his championship. He didn’t have the best team, but that’s not a pre-requisite for winning the title. Just ask the 9-7 New York Giants who won the Super Bowl in 2011. That team was the first team in NFL history to win the Super Bowl after posting a negative point differential during the year (ie they allowed more points than they scored).

The similarities between that Giants team and DBD are actually startling. First, DBD had a 7-6 record which is the equivalent of a 9-7 record in the NFL. Second, DBD also had a negative point differential. His opponents scored 1701 while his team only put up 1674. Third, the Giants and DBD just got hot at the perfect time. Finally, the Giants and DBD knocked off the team we wanted to win.

Regardless of how bullshit and flukey it was, DBD is our 2018 GWBL champ. While he’s technically won the league before, it was kind of a questionable inclusion due to the facts that a) he had a QB in his flex that year (were still working out format) and b) the makeup of the league was much different. No more questions though, DBDs name will go on the trophy and there are no more disclaimers.

That’ll do it for write-ups this year. Hope you enjoyed them and they provided some distraction or at least good shitter material. Sorry they got negative towards the end here, but I don’t need to explain that one. The only other league matter to be resolved is the trophy. I’ll get that squared away and will keep you all updated. Commish out.