DRAFT RECAPS - 8TH PICK

8TH PICK: Sorry for Everything – MR AUTO DRAFT:

Before we get into it I’ll take my Commissioner hat off for a minute… Congratulations to Tieg and Sam on their big announcement. Some things take priority over league matters and this is undoubtedly one of them. On behalf of the league we wish you all the best.

*Putting Commissioner hat back on*

F U Tieg for not keeping us in the loop. I emailed the league 5 times in the week leading up and asked if anyone had issues with the draft time. I explicitly said I want to make it work for everyone. I don’t care if you told me at 6:59PM on Sunday night, I would have done something to resolve the issue. As Eduardo Saverin once said to Mark Zuckerberg – “I’m the guy who wants to help. Let me help.” We all would have - we’re not monsters. Instead we end up in this shit of a situation and everyone’s bitter with each other to start the season. Not the start I was hoping for this year, not even close.    

This league is about people, it’s about friendship, it’s about connections. It’s not about cocks and ass and tits. It’s not about butthole pleasures. It’s not about the rusty trombones or the dirty Sanchez. Or the Cincinnati Bow-tie, or the puzzy juice cocktail, or shit-stained balls. It’s not about your honor or your personal glory. It’s about family. And the actions taken by Tieg were not that of a family member or friend. They were that of a puzzy juice cocktail.

And thus endeth the rant. We’ve argued enough the last 24 hours about vetoes and waivers and blah blah blah to last an entire season. We’re on to Week 1 and we’ll figure out who wants to be in the league and more importantly, who we want to have in the league when next year comes.

Rounds 1-5:

Mr Auto Draft (MAD) kicked things off by taking Michael Thomas and Davante Adams with his first two picks. While I don’t love the strategy, the two are very good compliments to each other. Michael Thomas thrives on huge volume (125 catches, 1405 yards) while Davante Adams piles up TDs from Aaron Rodgers (35 in the last 3 seasons combined). Together they combined for 236 catches, nearly 2,800 yards and 22 TDs last year. MAD might have 2 top-5 receivers if that production keeps up.

MAD doubled up on the San Diego vaginas in rounds 3 and 4 – one WR and one RB. Keenan Allen has shaken off the injury-prone label the last two years by averaging 100 catches, ~1,200 yards and 6 TDs per season. That TD count is low, but Davante Adams helps restore the deficit. Melvin Gordon in the 4th is an interesting pick and I’m curious to see how that works out. He’s currently holding out for a new deal and could provide MAD with absolutely nothing. If he does come back, he likely won’t have a full workload – at least not right away. It’s not a pick I would have made personally, but there’s a chance it works out okay. Just hope he doesn’t pull a LeVeon.

Mr Auto Draft went back to his zero-RB strategy and took Kenny Golladay in the 5th round. Golladay is a physically gifted WR at 6-4, 215 and came down with 70 catches for 1,000 yards and 5 TDs in 2018. He may not see the starting lineup very often on MAD’s team, but he’ll be a good bye-week fill in, injury replacement or trade bait (let’s not go there).

Rounds 6-10:

Mr Auto Draft took his 5th and final WR in the 6th round – making that 5 of his first 6 picks on WR. Cooper Kupp is a productive WR on a top flight offense and while he has competition for targets, he should be a solid #2 or #3 starter. He moves the chains and gets a lot of red-zone looks, but he’s coming off an ACL tear which is always iffy. (I won’t discuss the trade since this is a draft recap.)

Two of MAD’s next 4 picks were TEs and he ended up with some good talent there. Hunter Henry is expected to have a breakout year now that he’s healthy and Antonio Gates is gone. He’s coming off an ACL tear, but it was nearly 18 months ago and he should be fine. He’s scored 12 TDs in the 2 seasons he’s played and should be a favorite of Phillip Rivers. Jared Cook was the other TE and he’s coming off a career season. He also got an upgrade in QB going from Derek Carr to Drew Brees. The Saints have been iffy with TEs since Jimmy Graham left, but Cook could put up something like 60-600 and 6 TDs.

Derrius Guice and Lamar Miller were the other 2 mid-round picks. Lamar Miller tore his ACL last weekend and is out for the season – wasted pick and the first time the auto-draft strategy truly failed. Guice is coming off of an ACL tear, plays on a bad offensive line and is in a 3-way timeshare. I’d say this was another failed pick if it wasn’t for the fact that Guice is a talented player with a lot of potential.

Rounds 11-15:

MAD took his QB in round 11 – Carson Wentz of the Eagles. Wentz was disappointing last year, but was coming off his own torn ACL (does everyone on this fucking team have an ACL injury?). He’ll be solid, I’d guess somewhere in the #8-12 range of QB scoring. MAD took a backup QB in the 13th round and normally this would have been a huge steal….. but Andrew Luck had retired 24 hours prior. Another glitch in the computer’s strategy.

MAD took Nyheim Hynes in round 12 which is an interesting pick. Hynes is a shifty change of pace back in the mold of Tarik Cohen/Chris Thompson, but he’s more suited for PPR leagues. Oddly enough the Andrew Luck retirement may help him if Jacoby Brisket decides to check down more often.

Mr Auto Draft loves the Colts I guess – the Colts D and Adam Vinatieri were his final two picks. The Colts D is better than people think and like Hynes, Luck’s retirement may actually help Vinatieri. Not much else to say here.

Grade:

Incomplete for Tieg

D+ for Mr. Auto Draft.

The WR talent is undeniable, the team has two good options at TE and the QB was a strong value pick. That’s a solid base, but the RB situation is ugly. This is an RB-driven league and taking 1 in your first 6 picks is just a poor idea. Obviously Tieg has made moves to address it, but again, this is a draft recap. Coming out of the draft MAD clearly had the worst RB group in the league and so for that it’s a D+.

Prediction:

I predict Tieg finishes 6-7 and makes the playoffs on a points tie breaker. The WR and TE depth will be valuable assets, but the RB situation will hold him back. If it was anyone else I’d say they finish 3-10 and miss the playoffs, but making the playoffs after autodrafting would be the most pure taige nonsense ever. And that’s why it will happen.