Week 10 Recaps - Part 2 of 2 — Protector Of The League

Alright, part 2 of the week 10 recaps. Gonna keep this short because it’s midnight as I start this and I just finished a 14 hour work day. I cannot wait til I leave this job my God. Mr fuckin slave.

Gurley’s Gone (2-8):

Ken is perennially one of the most active traders in this league. Trader Kenny, shall we say. I appreciate it, I respect it. He’s not afraid to take a risk and he’s not too stubborn to take a deal that isn’t clearly in his favor. He’s the only person to make two trades this year and over the life of the league, I’d venture to guess that he’s made the most trades of anyone. Touche Ken.

So let’s go over the trade Ken and I made. It was right before Week 3 and the result was as follows:

I got Julian Edelman and Fat Eddie

Ken got Spencer Ware and Jeremy Maclin.

Let’s see how it worked out for Ken first. Maclin has been an absolute SCRUB this year. Just a complete and utter bust.

He’s currently the 69th ranked wide receiver (nice) and since Ken traded for him, his point totals have been as follows: 5.5, 10.3, bye, 6.2, 6, 11.8, 0 and 0. This is all for a wide receiver drafted in the 5th round.

On a more positive note, Maclin’s teammate has been much better. Spencer Ware is currently the 14th highest scoring RB and is the clear cut starter on the Chiefs. I really like Spencer Ware and I’m kinda sad I traded him. I really only traded him because I have him in two leagues. Hedge your bets, exposure, diversify, etc. Ware has been really solid, scoring 10+ points in 5 of the 8 weeks Ken has had him. He’s a really good RB.

As for my perspective. I acquired Eddie Lacy, who was a roller coaster. I started him in week 3 and he got 17 points. He had a bye in week 4, but then scored 11 points each in weeks 5. What happened next was weird. He got hurt in week 5, but ended up dressing for week 6. I didn't start him, because he was supposed to be limited. He ended up rushing for 65 yards on 17 carries in week 6 and looked decent (11 pts). I figured he was over his injury. Three days later, he was on IR...... What? Yeah, apparently he hurt himself more, even though he looked good running. WTF, only Eddie Lacy. Oh well. Moving on, Edelman has been more disappointing. He’s not even a top 40 WR and has one single touchdown on the year.

So who won? Honestly, I’d say Ken did. Spencer Ware is the only useful player that came out of that deal and he has been more than useful. Touche Ken.

Pure Taige (7-2):

I don’t have access to the trade offers you guys send around, so I’ll look at one Kev sent me in the group chat today. Like the one I offered him, it also involved Doug Martin. I wonder how many trade offers Kev got for Doug Martin. To be honest, I’ve had my eye on him since week 3. Anyways, let’s take a look.

Tieg offered Kev Chris Ivory and Terrance West for Doug Martin alone.

Chris Ivory has been SO disappointing this year. He was an absolute beast last year, finishing as a top 10 RB last year. Sadly, he has not been a top 10 RB this year (RB49). He has been terrible. IVORRRYYY

Ironically enough, Kev drafted Ivory. Can’t make this up. So how about West? West has been interesting this year. He did have three big weeks, but he’s still not even a top 25 RB. He’s the starter for the Ravens, but Dixon is eating into his workload. The Ravens offense sucks and there isn’t really anyone worth starting.

So what would have happened....West scored 12.4 this past week and Ivory scored 6.9 (niceeee, I feel like that happens twice a write up). Overall, pretty underwhelming.

What about Doug Martin? Martin put up 14.3, with 16 carries for 33 yards and a TD.

So I think Kev made the right decision. It was a pretty low-ball trade offer from Tieg and just wasn’t really a possibility. Also, two for one deals don’t usually work, unless someone is desperate. Kev’s firmly in playoff contention, so not desparate. PASS.

FLACCOPiAN TUBES (6-3):

I’m not sure if any of you guys know this, but Lamone, Pete and myself have a separate text chat. It's "The Greek Line" group chat. Other than texting Emma and our own group chat, it’s the chat I use the most. We mainly talk about fantasy, but sometimes about other stuff. We also talk about girls, girlfriends, democrats and Barstool, but mainly fantasy. One of the things we often talk about is Matthew Berry. LAMONE HATES MATTHEW BERRY

He always gives him shit and I usually defend Berry. We all know I’m a Matthew Berry apologist, even though he has been kinda off this year. Anyway, once in a while Lamone will list some players on his own personal love/hate list. This week, he gave me a full run down. As a reward for the league, I now present that to you. It’s not love hate, its "Big Dick Cheney Picks and Dicks". “Picks” are his “loves” and “dicks” are his “hates”. Hope you enjoy.

How Dick Cheney Got His Name:
He was in his dorm in college with his roommate Greg, who said:

"Hey Richard, wouldn't it be a trip if we called you DICK, like a penis hahaha"

Dick's reply: "Solid man, Solid"

And from there on, he would be known as Dick Cheney.

All jokes aside let's get into it

QB picks:

Tom Brady: Brady should have a huge dick game. He's really good at the pass and can do really awesome things like commercials and banging super models...with his dick

Ben Rothlisberger: Great dick...he will have a super nice game against Cleveland – they’ve been dickless all year.

QB dicks:

Colin Kaepernick: In a city that loves dicks, Colin will be dickless against the Patriots. Look for him to kneel at the beginning. Not for protest, but to be eye level with the most elite dick to come out of San Francisco - Thomas Brady

RB Picks:

Leveon Bell: He’s playing in a city whose football team is named after Native Americans. The Steelers will create a massive dick totem pole on the 50 yard line. Thousands of dicks

RB Dicks:

Carlos Hyde: Hyde yo kids, hide yo dick

Ezekiel Elliot: Fuck this guy. I hate him more than I hate my wife. Also, he’s got a weird looking dick

WR Picks:

Antonio Brown: See dick totem pole under Leveon Bell

WR Dicks:

Dez Bryant: My good friend Rob Ford once told me that he met Dez Bryant. Then he said:

"Holy shit, Rob, haven't you been smoking Crack for six straight days? Did you just meet another black guy and say it was Dez Bryant?"

To which he said: “Dez Bryant, PK Subban, who gives a shit.

TE Pick:

Eric Ebron: I'm picking him strictly because he reminds me of my room mate Greg from my initial story.

TE Dick:

Jordan Reed:

(Editor’s note: hopefully Lamone will contribute in future write-ups)

Can I Diggs It? Yes You Can (2-8):

As with every week, I interviewed a league member for week 10. This week it was our former Champ and my former roommate - Jon Frader. Here is the full, slightly edited version of that interview:

Commish: So Frader, tough year for you. I believe this is the first year you’ll miss the playoffs. What do you have to say for your team?

Frader: Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust. And when you're up, it's never as good as it seems. And when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on.. I've had a poor year in sports gambling overall, both survivor leagues I'm out and I managed to lose a good amount of money during the warriors series. Fortunately I have one fantasy league still worth fighting for, but it'll be a tough fight. The real issue I have right now is that Ken and I will be battling for 9th place - that's not a good life for me.

Commish: The crazy part is, your team actually looks good. Leveon is arguably the best RB in the league and LeGarrette is leading the NFL in touchdowns. Gronk, Stefon Diggs, Terrelle Pryor. Do you think you were just due for a bad year?

Frader: I think I drafted poorly. I didnt get a top 10 WR, I picked two middling QBs and my 2nd RB (Rawls) still hasn't seen the field. At the end of the day I was probably due to regress, we can't all be at the mountain top looking down. A 5 game losing streak is brutal and I haven't looked at my stats, but I've gotten fucked over on a few games. I think it was Luma who beat me in the Monday night game with Lamar Miller by 3 points or some garbage bullshit

(Editor's note: wasn't Lamar Miller, I think it was David Johnson).

Commish: You had some really valuable players that could have returned multiple guys. Gronk, Leveon, etc. Did you ever think to turn 1 good player into 2? The whole point of this writeup was trading, but you didn’t make any.

Frader: Yeah, but was that a mistake? I dont know...look man, my season sucked. I guess I could've traded LeVeon or Gronk and gotten some value back, but i really liked having those guys and watching them play every week. I did try and do a firesale on my team for first round picks in the 2017 draft, but it didnt get approved by the commish. That iron fist of his.

Commish: Since you might earn the Gabriel, how do you feel about the punishment? I won’t personally sanction one, but it seems like everyone wants one.

Frader: What is the punishment? If it's waking up at 4:30 every Monday morning to 56 text messages from this league, then I'm already suffering. If it's having a green text box because Tieg has a Samsung 7, I'm already suffering. If it's dealing with Kenny's inflated ego, I'm already suffering.

(Editor's Note: Seriously Tieg. When I'm not the one with the least advanced technology, there is something wrong. I had a clamshell phone until 2012 for Pete's Sake)

Commish: Last fantasy question. As a casual observer, who do you think will win this league?

Frader: It kills me to say it, but it's looking like a Tieg vs. Luma match-up. Having said that, I'm pulling for my West Coast brethren and the best name in the league - the Zeke-a-virus. The trophy staying in Cali for 3 straight years would be huge, kinda like a west coast dynasty. Plus, I have Zeke in my other league and if he does well, I do well.

Commish: Non fantasy football question – how’s your girlfriend doing? Feel like you guys have been dating a while now.

Frader: Thanks for asking commish, she's doing well. We have been dating for nearly a full year, which is pretty cool. I'm not one for long term commitments. You can tell by the number of cities I've lived in, the jobs I've held, and the gym memberships I've maintained. This one is working out just fine so far.

I think this is her? Haven't had the pleasure of meeting the happy couple yet.

Commish: Non fantasy football question – are you making it home at all during the holiday season? Everyone in the league would love to see you.

Frader: I'd love to see all of you as well, but sadly, it might not be the case.

1. I'm headed to NYC for thanksgiving break, my family and I are celebrating in Long Island this year and I'm gonna stay in Brooklyn for a handful of days.

2. Christmas I'm headed to Oregon with the GF, that's where she hails from. I'll probably make a Boston trip in the spring/summer of 2017...as always you are all invited out to the west coast.

Maybe John will make an impromptu trip back to visit Guy and not even tell me...that'd be cool too...sick friend

(Editor's note: he will never get over that, but I will make it out there at some point - on my honor)

Commish: Random question I made up – now that you’re no longer living in Title Town, you have to watch a lot of west coast teams play on TV. Who is your favorite non-Boston team?

Frader: Right now probably the Warriors, super fun to watch, 4 super-stars all playing together, plus they have every team playing their hardest against them every night.

Commish: Going along with that: Who is your favorite athlete of all time? EXCLUDING anyone who played on any New England sports teams. You can give me your favorite Boston sports athlete of all time if you’d like.

Frader: Damn, tough question. First let me answer Boston, and it's a tie between David Ortiz and Tom Brady. Ortiz and Brady both came onto the Boston sports scene right as I was rounding into a sports fan. Late bloomer, I know. Both won a ton of championships for our city, and both have been great ambassadors of the sport. They've also been raked across the coals by the media for bullshit and managed to rise above it all in true New England Fashion.

As long as I have lived outside Boston and even though I generally dislike it every time I come back, I love our athletes and sports teams. I've always rooted Boston/New England first, everyone else second. With all that being said, I'll say it right now - I am in awe when I watch Ezekiel Elliot play. The guy is a fucking monster. He is far and away the best rookie I have ever seen, and is definitely the best player in the League not named TB12. Every time he touches the ball I'm convinced he could go the distance. Barring injuries, the guy could go down as an all time great. He is the most exciting person in the NFL to watch.

To answer the question honestly though, favorite non-Boston athlete of all time, gotta be Tiger Woods, an epic stick man and a hell of a winner.

(Editor's Note that you may miss: I love you Frader, but I one thousand percent disagree with this. How can you hate New England but love our sports and athletes? Tom Brady is the fabric of New England. We are cut from the same cloth. Kevin Garnett, David Ortiz, Pedro Martinez, Paul Pierce, Bill Belichick, Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Bobby Orr, Paul Revere, John Hancock, Will Hunting, Ben Affleck, Drew Bledsoe, Doug Flutie, Mike Eruzione, Sam Adams and on and on it goes. We have a chip on our shoulder, we are hated by almost everyone and we are strong in everything we do. Boston Strong. This is our fuckin city. One if by land, two if by sea. The British are coming! The British are coming! (it's late, I may be delusional)

Anyway, you gotta be tough to live here and you gotta be tough to play sports here. That's why I don't get why people can move away. Weather is temporary, heart and soul are forever. I've been here long before you came, I'll be here long after you're gone. Commish Out).