Week 11 Recaps - Part 1

Here it is gentlemen - Thanksgiving weekend. It’s a time for family and a time for friends. A time for a traveling across New England and sitting in traffic. It’s also a weekend full of excessive day drinking and over-eating. Most importantly, it’s a pivotal point of the NFL season and of course, our fantasy football seasons. For NFL teams, we’re past the bye weeks and entering the home stretch. For fantasy leagues, we’re on the brink of the playoffs. The playoff picture is still not set in either and a lot can happen as the season draws to a close. Our league in particular should be interesting. I believe 8 teams are still in the playoff mix and the playoff picture won’t even be set after this week.   

For those teams who are out of it, I offer my deepest condolences. I myself have a team (different league) that is already out of the playoffs - sitting at 3-8 with precious little pride to play for. I know how awful it is to pour hours and hours into a team only to have it blow up in your face.

I also know how it is to feel the pressure and anxiety that comes with a playoff push. I have a total of 5 teams and as I just mentioned, one of them will be golfing come December. Of the four others, only one of them seems like a sure thing. Simple math tells me that I will be clawing and scratching for a playoff spot in my other 3 leagues, none of which are even close to sure things. As you can imagine, the next two weeks will be a stressful time for your beloved Commissioner.

Despite the despair that losing in fantasy brings, despite the anxiety a playoff push creates and despite all the second guessing, nitpicking, head scratching and “FUCK” yelling that the season brings, I am still thankful to have fantasy football as a part of my life. Without fantasy football, I wouldn’t keep in touch with half of you. That’s not an exaggeration, it’s a sad truth. If we didn’t have this glorious game, we likely wouldn’t keep in touch and we certainly wouldn’t have taken a bro trip down to Austin.

So that leads us into this week’s writeup – things to be thankful for. As we go through this weekend, we’ll all be asked the question – “what are you thankful for”. I don’t know each of your answers, but in this writeup I will make some guesses. For each owner, I’m going to list three things that they should be thankful for. It could be related to their team, to a certain player, or even their personal life (as I see fit). If nothing else, this should remind us that we all have plenty to be thankful for. So before Emma yells at me for being on my computer, I’ll get this going.

WellJustTellUr MotherWeAteItAll (7-4):

1. I am thankful for my family, my adopted* dog and of course, my fiancé Emma:

I’ll start you off with a sappy one, deal with it.

As you all know, I got engaged over a month ago. I’d been with Emma about 4 years and it was just time. If my engagement put any pressure on you guys, I apologize. Actually I don’t, I dealt with pressure for over a year. I know it caused pressure for Pete because he immediately got into a fight with his girlfriend about it. It’s actually a hilarious story. I texted him shortly after it happened and told him the news. A few days later, he told me he and Melissa (his gf) got into a fight….

Come to find out, he didn’t tell his girlfriend that Emma and I got engaged. For 24 whole hours, he did not tell her. The only reason she found out is because Melissa and Emma’s cousin Al have a mutual friend. Al is a blabber mouth and happened to talk to the mutual friend about it. That mutual friend then asked Melissa, who had no idea. Pete had fun explaining his way out of that one.

Anyways, it’s been good. Emma’s a great girl and I’m really lucky. I know, I know, sappy as hell. Oh well, it’s the holidays and I’m a romantic at heart. Just like Leo.

**Anyways, back to the dog. I’m currently trying to commandeer the family shitzu from my parents. I’ve wanted a dog for a few years now and I think I’m ready for the responsibility. Plus, she’s adorable. Look at that face:

Those are the things I am most thankful for.

2. Back to football. I’m thankful that only two of my players got injured this past week! Wait, thankful? Yeah, it coulda been worse, it coulda been my whole team….. This is where it gets negative. Talk about SHITTY luck. AJ Green goes down with a hamstring injury and is likely out for the year. The same AJ Green who was second in the NFL in receiving yards and had missed 2 games in the last 3 years. Yeah, that sucks. I own him in two leagues so it hurts double.

I also lost Zach Miller for the year, which was brutal. Tight end is a very shallow position and if you don’t have a top 5 guy, you have no one. The only way to get a difference maker at tight end is to trade for one and based on my attempts this week, I’d have to give up an arm and a leg to get one. Looks like it’s the waiver wire for me.

3. The one football related thing that I’m actually thankful for is – TOM BRADY. TB12, TOM TERRIFIC, THOMAS BRADY. Despite missing the first four games of the season, he’s already a top 20 QB in fantasy. He’s already scored more points than ____ In the 6 games he’s played, he’s scored 30 or more in 4 of them and had 20 plus in a fifth. My decision to take him in the 8th round and wait through his suspension has paid off. Looking back at it, Tom is the only player in the 8th round to make any impact in fantasy. I’ll leave you with the list of other 8th round picks – warning, it’s ugly.

Allen Hurns, Michael Floyd, Chris Ivory, Carson Palmer, Derrick Henry, Justin Forsett, John Brown, Duke Johnson Jr. and Eli Manning.

Gurley’s Gone (2-9):

1. I’ll start Ken off with a personal one as well. Ken has to be thankful for Sawyer, his best friend. We’ve harped on this before, but Ken’s a lucky guy. Somehow, someway, despite having little to no “game”, he managed to steal a girl from another man.

And it wasn’t just any girl, it was a good one. Sawyer’s got a good job, a close family, a dog and even owns her own place. As someone who is stuck in the hell that is renting an apartment while putting no equity into my future – fuck you Ken. You lucky bastard. She’s also not bad to look at, so touche Ken. You exceeded all of our expectations and for that, you should be thankful.

2. Ken is also thankful that he got rid of the curse that is Eddie Lacy. He was able to trick me into taking him, thinking I could break the curse that is Fat Eddie. And for a while there, I thought I did. As soon as I traded for him, Eddie went off for 22 points. The next two weeks he scored 11 each and I thought I had myself an RB1. Not so fast my friend, the curse is real. Eddie got injured and was then out for the season. BAD CUSTOMAH INDEED.

So Ken should be thankful that he rid himself of the curse. He can start next year on a clean slate and stay as far away from Fat Eddie as humanly possible…… or take him in the 3rd round and hope he actually does something. We’ll find out next draft day.

3. Last but not least, Ken should feel thankful that we do not have an official league sanctioned Gabriel punishment. He’s currently in 10th place, one game behind Frader for 9th. He plays the best team in our league this week, so things aint getting any easier for him. After that he has to play our reigning champ, H Guy Ritch. A brutal end to the season that could push Ken to a 2-11 record.

Even if he wins one of his next two, he will likely still be the Gabriel. Frader would have to lose both of his games in order for them to tie at 3-10. Then we would rely on points for the tie breaker. As you can imagine, that would not go well for Ken. He’s currently losing to Frader by 152.7 points. So he’ll have to outscore Frader by 76 points per week in order to pass him. Looks like we have our Gabriel, so Ken should be thankful that I don’t sanction punishments for it.

Marty Huggins (6-5):

1. Guy should be thankful that he hasn’t been caught in an LA Riot yet. Seriously, from what I’ve heard it’s an absolute madhouse out there (heard this mostly from Guy). There have been talks of succession and the protests lasted almost a week. With so many undocumented illegal immigrants, the city is strongly anti-Trump. Weird, the illegal immigrants don’t like the dude who wants to enforce immigration laws. They like the doosh who let anyone and everyone into the country. Weird.

Anyways, it actually is a dangerous place to be. I read into it a little bit (and by that I mean a google search of course) and it’s kind of terrifying. There are only 10,000 police officers in Los Angeles. That sounds like a lot, but there are FOUR MILLION people in LA. The crazier part is that LA is so huge. The city is over 450 square miles, which is insane. Overall doesn’t seem like a safe place to be and I’m glad the Ritch Waldrons haven’t been caught up in it yet. Please move home Guy.

2. Guy can also be thankful that his team turned it around. It seems like a lifetime ago that he was 0-3 and facing the possibility of an 0-4 start when him and Ken matched up in week 4. Guy would go on to win that game, but only because Ken shit the bed and scored 83. Guy didn’t even top 100 and it looked like his team was doomed. 

We all know what happened since then. After an 0-3 start, he’s gone 6-2 over his last 8 games and won 3 of his last four. He’s firmly in a playoff spot as of now and guess who he plays this week? The 9th place Frader. After that he plays the 10th place Kenny. With a favorable schedule and a half game lead over Kev, it looks like Guy has done the improbable. From 0-3 to a playoff contender, Guy should be thankful.

3. Guy should really be thankful that his team has the record it does. Looking at the standings, he probably shouldn’t be in 6th place. He’s scored just 1,167.9 points this season, which is good for second worst in the league. Ken of course is the only person who has scored fewer points. That 1167 is only good for 106 points per game, which is well below the league average of 118.8 points per game. Like Ken, he’s the only person who has not surpassed 1,200 points after 11 weeks.

So how did this happen? Well, he’s just had some bad opponents and he’s gotten REALLY LUCKY. In his 6 wins, his opponent has never scored more than 119. He’s also won two really close games. One was a game he won by 1.6 points, so lucky. He also won that game by a close margin – just .7 points. In 5 of his wins, his opponents didn’t top 103.7. Unbelievable

Overall, through his 6 wins, his opponents are averaging a lowly 97 points. Over his last two games, both wins, his opponents are averaging 89 points. Will this luck continue? We shall see. Either way, low points against is something to be thankful for.

Pure Taige (8-3):

1. Like myself, Tieg should be thankful for his family and friends. Last weekend he had a birthday party for his girlfriend Sam. The Commissioner, along with the first lady and Guy were able to attend. It was there that I got to experience Tieg’s friends and family first hand. It was a great turnout and a great group of people. Tieg is truly #blessed.

I do have to mention one hilarious instance. I was talking with Tieg and his mom came over to talk to him. He then turned and introduced me as “the Commish” of our League. What happened next was incredible. Sally of The House Bean, mother of Tieg, curtsied. She was so thrilled to have finally met the Commissioner that she curtsied to me. It was hilarious and makes me wonder why that tradition fell out of style. I felt so honored and am laughing as I write this haha. I of course bowed back (not a shit-bow) to return the honors. I think I may do that when I meet people from now on – the Japanese have one thing right.

2. Tieg should also be thankful for DeMarco Murray. I’ve gone over this in great lengths, but Murray was a colossal disappointment last year. He put up decent numbers overall, but he was so, so, so frustrating. As a result, he was traded from the Eagles to the Titans. That led to some skepticism, and he fell to the 4th round of our draft. Tieg was glad to pick him up and has been rewarded handsomely for it.

Murray is currently the number 2 ranked RB in fantasy football. He has 75+ total yards and/or a touchdown in EVERY SINGLE GAME this year. In the 11 games he’s played, he has only scored fewer than 20 points ONCE. He has yet to score fewer than 16 points in a game and has 6 weeks with 25+ points. That consistency is going to put Murray in the discussion for fantasy MVP and for that, TIeg should be thankful.

3.  Tieg should be thankful that Guy passed on Antonio Brown when he had the first pick in our draft. In a pretty shocking move, Guy selected Odell over Antonio at #1. Tieg was more than happy to select Brown with the second pick and ended up with the better player. Odell his having a nice season in his own right, but Antonio has been better. Odell is the 7th highest scoring WR, while Antonio is number 1. Odell has 2 games with 20 or more points, while Antonio has 5. Odell has 6 touchdowns in 10 games, while Antonio has 7. Overall Tieg got the better player and for that my friends, he should be thankful.