Week 12 Recaps - Part 1 — Protector Of The League

“These are the times that try men’s souls. When the summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country. But he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered. Yet we have this consolation with us – that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods and it will be strange indeed if so celestial an article as THE GEORGE W. BUSH LEAGUE TROPHY should not be highly rated.”

Yes, my nephew's poopy diaper touched the GW Bush League Trophy....Deal with it.

That’s from the “American Crisis” and was written by Thomas Paine, one of our Founding Fathers. The American Crisis was published on December 23rd, 1776 during the Revolutionary War. One week remained in the year and to say things were bleak would be an understatement. The Continental Army was retreating from New York after a crushing defeat. The Army was starving and didn’t have proper winter gear. Its numbers were dwindling due to casualties and sickness and at the end of 1776, many of the men’s enlistments would end. The Army was facing a crisis – an American Crisis shall we say.

We all know what happened next – I’m sure you all love U.S. History just like I do. General George Washington ordered an attack the day after Christmas on 1776. In the middle of the winter in the freezing cold, the Colonials attacked Trenton, New Jersey and a few other major NJ cities. The attacks worked since they were such a surprise (armies generally camped for the winter and did not campaign or fight). It was a huge victory for the Colonials and raised morale so much that just about every soldier re-enlisted. A few years later, the war was won. That week is highly regarded as a turning point in the war.

I start this week’s writeup with this for a few reasons. First, it’s an awesome piece of writing. It’s pretty long, but worth the read. Second, I’ve been watching the show TURN on AMC. It’s about spying during the Revolutionary War and it’s incredible. Favorite show right now.

Lastly, I feel like this is a speech my team and many others need to hear. It’s December 23rd, 1776 in terms of our fantasy seasons. We have 1 week left and many of us are running out of time. It’s a pivot, a turning point. We can shrink from the service of our teams and fade off into the holidays, or we can attack. What we do next is up to us.

For this week’s write-ups, I’m going to look at this week’s matchups and try to predict where each team is going. Will they take the American Crisis to heart? Or will they burn it for warmth. Let’s find out.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: I may have used this quote before, if so I apologize. I’ve written so many of these I forget what I wrote in past years.

Second – fuck you Ken and fuck you Tieg. Thank you for putting me in an awful position and making me earn my salary. Unreal. I should have made that bullshit the subject of this writeup but I already started writing and will not let you fuck this up. I say good day.)

WellJustTellUr MotherWeAteItAll (7-5):

UPDATE: The adoption papers for the dog have gone through, Bella officially belongs to Emma and myself. Huge news in the world of Johnny C. I’ve told you all how much I wanted a dog and some of you (Guy, Dylan, Lamone) have seen first-hand how awesome this dog is. Just adorbs. Look at that face…

Back to football. It was another tough week for my team, losing by 23 and failing to even put up 100. Where do I start? I could start with the fact that Thomas Rawls put up just 6.2 (12 rushes 38 yards, no catches) or I could start with the fact that Amari Cooper had just 4.2 points (4 catches 22 yards). Or I could start with the fact that Justin Fucker outscored those two put together. Yes, a kicker outscored my RB2 and WR1 put together.

Alternatively, I could point to the loss of AJ Green and Zach Miller. Losing your best player and your starting TE in week 12 is just brutal. But that would be the summer soldier thing to do, that would be the act of a sunshine patriot. Instead, we’ll move on and compete.

So how does my team look going forward? I think we look pretty good. My RB corps (Lamar Miller, Rawls, JStew, Dixon) is solid and my WRs are better – Amari, Michael Thomas, Edelman and Moncrief. TB12 has let me down a little lately, but he’s due for one of his 35 point games. I believe I have made the playoffs thanks to Lamone’s victory over Kev, which makes me happy.

I could see myself losing in round 1, but could very easily see myself winning. I'm so overdue for some luck in this league and my team has what it takes to put up numbers - see weeks 1, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 11 where I averaged 142 points. In those 6 games, all wins, I averaged 142. That shows what my team is capable half of the time. We’ll get one or the other and I’m hoping it works out.

Marty Huggins (7-5):

We’ll move on from a team that lost 3 of its last 4 games and look at a team that has won 3 of its last 4. We’ve been through this: after starting 0-3 Guy has made a comeback and sealed a playoff spot. Pretty unbelievable and just goes to show you that it is possible to make a comeback (except for me - that shit never goes my way. If I start 0-3 my season stays that way).

So how did it go this week? This week he beat Frader 121-112 behind a huge performance from Odell Beckham. It launched Guy into a playoff spot and could mean doom for Frader. It could mean the Gabriel. We’ll get to that in Frader’s section.

Marty Huggins really survived based on 3 big performances. Marcus Mariota had 24.2, Carlos Hyde had 20.6 and Odell had 27.6. Together that’s 72.4 points and about 60 percent of his points (3 players is just 33% of his roster). Throw in the Chiefs D for 12 points and you have 69% of his points (nice) from just 44% of his roster. The fact that Odell is coming on lately is critical (18.6, 20.7, 7.1 and 27.6 since the bye). If Odell stays hot, we’re all in trouble.

So Guy got the win and clinched the playoffs – what next? He plays the scheming fuck Ken this week, which could decide the Gabriel. If there is fantasy justice, Guy will beat Ken 175 to 25 and Ken will be the Gabriel. If there is not, then Guy will still make the playoffs. Guy’s team looks really good right now and seems to be hitting its stride. Odell is beasting, Doug Baldwin is feasting and Carlos Hyde is returning to early season form. BOOM BOOM BOOM (Chris Berman)

Meanwhile, Dez is healthy and Robert Kelley is going to continue to carry the load for the Skins. Everything looks good from Guy's perspective, so I'd feel confident. Marty currently slots in as the 6 seed, but could potentially get as far as 4 if he wins and Keetz/myself lose. If either Keetz or I win however, he will max out as the 5 seed.

Can I Diggs It? Yes You Can (3-9):

Moving on to the loser of this matchup – Jon F Frader. You could actually argue that Frader had a better team this week than Guy did. How you ask? I’ll tell you. Football is a team sport. You can have a good offense and still suck (Chargers). You can have a good defense and still suck (Vikings). Some people say you’re only as good as your weakest link. How does that apply? Let’s look - when looking at the teams, 5 of Guy’s players scored 9.7 or fewer points. Only 4 of Frader’s players did that. Additionally, 4 of Guy’s players scored 8 or fewer points, while only 3 of Frader’s did. Lastly, look at the median of each player on each team.

The median score for Guy’s players was the 9.7 points that Dez Bryant scored. Meanwhile, the median score for Frader’s team was the 11.9 points that Russel Wilson scored. There are lies, damned lies and then there are statistics. You can bend statistics anyway you want and in this case, Frader’s team appears to be better.

OF COURSE, that is not the case. Frader is sitting at 3-9 and in danger of receiving the Gabriel, while Guy is on his way to defend his title. The next question is, will Frader actually receive the Gabriel?

His team looks pretty decent on paper, with Stafford, Le’Veon, Devonta Booker and Gronk in play. IF Gronk plays, he should get production from that group. That’s a big if though. The main problem is that his WRs are just so, so, so mediocre. He’s currently starting Michael Crabtree and Sterling Sheppard, which strikes fear in the heart of no one. Interestingly enough, Frader and Dylan are the 2 teams that totally ignored WR. How did that go? Not well Cotton.

He also has to play Keetz, who is the hottest team in the league right now (4 straight wins). Luckily for Frader, the unstoppable duo of Dak and Zeke have to play against the Vikings, who theoretically are the best D in football. If ever there was a week that Deke and Zak (new team name?) go cold, this would be it. Ironically enough, Frader has the Vikings D. What a huge game.

From Champ 2 years ago to the Gabriel this year, what a fall that would be. (SPOILER ALERT)