Week 12 Recaps - Part 2 — Protector Of The League

Harambe Pink Socked Ken (4-8):

A tough year for Dylan continues to get tougher, taking the L this week and dropping his record to 4-8. The score wasn’t that bad, but Dylan only managed to put up 108 - 3rd worst in the league. This matchup was actually oddly similar to the last one. What I mean by that is that the losing team had a number of solid performances, while the winning team had just a few big performances. The losing team had a more consistent output, while the winning team had a few bursts coupled with some low outputs.

This is kind of cheap, but let’s do a similar analysis to the last one. This time, we’ll go through the mean, median, mode and range. Think of it as a little trip down memory lane to 5th grade math – or whenever the hell we learned about this stuff. It may not have stuck with the rest of you, but I love statistics, counting and numbers.

MEAN – would be the average, which obviously works out for Keetz since he won the matchup. However, if you remove the three highest scorers, we have a different story. Let’s remove Tyrod, Rishard Matthews and Kelce for Dylan. Likewise, let’s remove Dak, Zeke and Mike Evans for Keetz. In this case, Dylan wins 9.2 to 7.4.

MEDIAN – again, this is the middle number in a range of figures. Dylan wins again, by the score of 13.5 (Gurley) to 7.7 (J Graham).

MODE – this is the number that occurs most often in a set of numbers. This doesn’t really work with fantasy, but let’s look anyway. Dylan had three guys score in the 13s, while Keetz had 2 guys score in the 6s and 1 in the 7s. So Dylans MODE is 13, while Keetz is around 6.75. Advantage Dylan.

RANGE – this is the difference between the largest figure and the lowest figure. Ideally in this scenario, the range would be small – ie, all of your players contribute. Guess what? Dylan wins again by the score of 22.3 to Keetz’ 28. Winner winner chicken dinner.

This is all of course statistics and numbers, which don’t tell the whole story. At the end of the day, Dylan is 4-8 and Keetz is 7-5. Dylan could actually get the Gabriel, so this final week could be huge. He’s ahead of Ken in points, but behind Frader. Anything could happen.

Zeka-A-Virus (7-5):

Back to the winner of this game, the Zeke A Virus. Keetz got a huge win this week, which clinched his playoff spot. He’s also won 4 straight which is pretty damn hard to do in this league. This analysis is pretty easy, he won this game the same way he’s been winning his past 4 games. I only need six words for this analysis – Zeke Elliot, Mike Evans, Dak Prescott.

Just kidding, I’ll give an analysis. These three players have been absolute beasts this year and they are the reason Keetz keeps winning. They are all getting stronger as the year goes on and unless something happens to one of them (RIP AJ Green), Keetz could very easily win this league. I said I’d give an analysis, I didn’t say I’d give a good one.

Kidding again, let’s look at the numbers. Over those four weeks, those 3 players have combined for 318.9 points – an average of 79.7. Must be nice to know that you’re getting EIGHTY FUCKING POINTS per week out of THREE PLAYERS. Unreal. In week 9, they combined for 88.7 points. On four separate occasions this year, Ken the snake ass dick has failed to put up 88.7 points. Fuck you Ken

Over those four weeks, there have been 8 performances of 25+ points (out of 12), 3 performances of 30+ and a 47 point performance in week 10 by Zeke Elliot. Over those four weeks, Zeke is AVERAGING 30 points per game, with a low of 19.7. Must be nice to know you’re getting 19 points on a *bad* week from your RB1. On the year, Dak is QB6, Zeke is RB2 and Mike Evans is WR2. Remember, all of these guys play on the same team.

Basically, we’re all fucked if this keeps up. Keetz has already earned a playoff spot and is one win away from a first round bye. The only way Keetz doesn’t win this league is if 2 of these 3 scenarios occur.

1) Teams figure out how to stop a rookie quarterback (Dak). For real though NFL, figure him out already.

2) Teams figure out how to stack the box against Zeke. They need to give him the Todd Gurley treatment. Take away Dallas’ run game, you hurt Dak (see above). Other than Dez, they don’t have WRs that really scare you. Put 8 in the box, man on the outside with a safety shaded to Dez. It sounds easy, but of course it’s not. They still have Beasley and some other decent weapons. Regardless, if I see another 100 yard 2 TD game out of Zeke I’m gonna scream.

3) Teams figure out how to double Mike Evans. I get it, he’s a huge freak. Having said that, he’s one man. He’s not all that strong (just 12 reps on the bench at the combine) and the Bucs have no other decent pass catchers. If teams can shut down Julio Jones, Odell Beckham and Antonio Brown on occasion, I think teams can figure out how to stop Evans.

If those things don't happen, it's gonna be Keetz or Tieg the Snake holding this trophy at the end of the year.

Broke Back Caleb (5-7):

Kev took an absolutely crushing loss this past week, one that ended his season. With his loss and the combination of wins by Guy and Keetz, Kev is officially out of it. The best he can finish is 6-7, which would be one game behind the worst record Keetz, Guy, or myself could post. Let’s pour one out for Kev and move on.

So what happened? In true Kev fashion, it came down to the Monday night game. Lamone was down by 11 and had one player to go. Unfortunately, that player was A-A-Ron Rodgers. Rodgers did what Rodgers does, scoring 31 points on the formerly formidable Philadelphia defense (love alliteration). I guess it wasn’t that surprising, no way Rodgers was putting up less than 12 – his season low is 17. Other parts of the matchup were kinda brutal though.

Melvin Gordon put up just 14.3, which is actually his worst game of the season. Coming off a bye, you need more from Gordon. Kev’s WRs really let him down, as Jarvis Landry and Larry Fitz combined for just 14 points. Sadly it was only the third worst game Jarvis Landry has had, but the worst game Fitz has had. Don’t even get me started on Jarvis Landry, what a BUST this year.

Landry was a top 20 WR each of the last two seasons. He was supposed to be guaranteed for 100 catches and if you’ve ever watched him play, he is a really impressive athlete. Unfortunately, the Dolphins blew donkey dick for the first 4 games and then became the Jay Ajayi show. Ever since they started winning, Landry has been useless. It sucks pretty bad, he is such a good player. Those were the main reasons Kev lost, a loss that ended his season.

It also may have saved my season. I’m 7-5 heading into the final week and I play Kev this week. If he won last week and beat me this week, we’d both be 7-6. He has scored more points so far (17 more), so he would beat me on the tie breaker. The only way I could then make the playoffs is if Guy lost in Week 13 and we finished with identical 7-6 records. I have a ton more points than Guy (he has the LEAST in the league), so I’d likely beat him on the tie breaker. However, if Guy won in week 13 and all of the above happened, I would be out of a playoff spot. THANK YOU LAMONE.

Another extremely frustrating season for Kev, you have to feel for him. I’ll go over it more in the season obituaries (starting next week), but you have to feel bad. One day all of this misfortune will pay off.