Season Obituaries - THE GABRIEL — Protector Of The League

Thirteen up, thirteen down. That’s it gentlemen, the fantasy football regular season is officially over. For some us, the suffering is at an end. For Frader, the suffering is just beginning.

For some of us, the daunting challenge of the playoffs is beginning. For one of us, a memorable title run has just begun.

I was going to start this writeup with a bunch of quotes about “the end”, or “things coming to an end”, but it got lame fast and I changed gears. Plus, I already did that with the “trades/free agent” write-ups I did back in Week 9 or 10 (Trump quotes). I did find one kinda cool quote about beginnings/endings though, which I’ll share here.

“A story has no beginning or end. One arbitrarily chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.”

That quote is by Graham Greene in “The End of the Affair” and while I’ve never read it, a wiki search indicates that it’s about a love-triangle in post-WWII England. Not really the point here, but I like the quote nonetheless. As an aside, if you don’t donate to Wikipedia you should. It’s honestly the best website on the internet. Anyways, it’s an interesting quote - you can define a beginning or an ending however you want. Yes, this is the end of the regular season, but the playoffs are just beginning. Yes, Frader’s awful season is over, but his year as the GABRIEL is just beginning. See what I’m saying? A quote that definitely makes you think.

Wrapping up - the regular season is over and as you may have expected, it’s time for season ending write-ups. As with past years, I’m going to start at the Gabriel and move my way down to the ultimate GW Bush League Champion. The format will be pretty similar to past years and will be as follows (with notes):

Overview: Record, Team name, Owner, etc

What Went Right: 1 major narrative - positive

What Went Wrong: 1 major narrative - negative

Best Owner Move: 1 great free agent pickup, trade or draft pick

Worst Owner Move: 1 terrible free agent pickup, trade or draft pick

Historical/Pop Culture/Literary Comparison: This is a new one. I’m going to try and compare each owner/team to a figure, team or event from history, pop culture or literature. Bear with me on this one, I think it’ll be good..

Commissioner’s Prediction: See how far off my draft recap was.

Final Notes: self explanatory

Can I Diggs It? Yes You Can (3-10):

Overview:

Coming in last place with a record of 3-10 and 1,550.8 points for (119 per, 5th overall) is YOUR 2016 GABRIEL LOSER, Can I Diggs It? Yes You Can? owned by Jon Frader.

Frader as he realizes the Gabriel. Me looking like a doof in the background as I laugh at his shame.

What Went Right:

Somehow despite finishing as the Gabriel, Frader put up a lot of points this year. The fifth most points to be exact. He only had two weeks with fewer than 100 points and no weeks with fewer than 90. He put up 120 or more in 7 weeks and 110 or more in 11 weeks. His team consistently put up points, which led to an average of 119 per game. That’s more than I scored and way more than Guy scored. Guy and I made the playoffs, even though Frader’s team was technically better than ours.

Looking at it, I have no idea how Frader finished top 5 in scoring. His team sucks on paper. He has no good WRs, barely had Gronk this year, used about 4 different QBs and I can’t tell you who is flex is. He did put up those numbers though and we all know that numbers don’t tell the whole story.

What Went Wrong:

Frader was the victim of the points for/points against monster this year. Every year we have it, it’s like clockwork. There is always one person who based on points scored, probably deserved to make the playoffs. Unfortunately, much of fantasy football is based on who you play each week. In that regard, Frader got screwed. His 1,703.4 points against were the most in the league, 17 more than the next person. I actually had the least points against with 1,440 (which definitely doesn’t seem right, I’ve been raped the last 6 weeks). That’s a difference of over 260 points for those of you keeping score at home, which is pretty insane. That’s around 2 full weeks of scoring and then some.

Best Owner Move:

Drafting LeGarrette Blount in the 10th round was definitely Frader’s best owner move this year. As the 91st player taken in our draft, Blount is the 6th highest scoring RB on the year. He’s rushed for 957 yards and thirteen touchdowns, which might be a Patriots record and leads the NFL. He doesn’t do any damage in the passing game, but those rushing numbers are absurd. His 230 carries are a career high and in our league, account for 46 points.

He’s also been a beacon of consistency for Frader, putting up 10 or more points in every week but week 12. He scored a touchdown in all but 3 weeks and had 15 carries or more in all but three weeks. In a league full of inconsistent RBs, committee backfields and injuries, consistency like that is key.

Worst Owner Move:

There are so many here, it’s hard to keep track. I could say dropping Devante Adams, Golden Tate and Michael Thomas at various points during the year. I could say naming his team after Stefon Diggs, a mediocre WR. At the end of the day, however, you have to point back to his draft. The first three picks were just terrible.

Gronk in the first round is usually a huge advantage. He’s the best TE in the league WHEN HEALTHY and is a true difference maker. Unfortunately, he was not healthy this year. He scored points in just 6 games and missed the other 7 with injury. He ripped it up in those 6 games, but you can’t have your best player on your bench for over half the season.

Then he went RB/RB in the 2nd and 3rd, which had very mixed results. Le’Veon Bell in the second was great, but he missed the first three weeks of the season. Compound that with the fact that Frader didn’t bother to handcuff him with DeAngelo Williams and you have a really bad owner move. That’s rookie shit. (of course the "king fuckin cobra" Tieg drafted DeAngelo. Awesome nickname made by Robby D)

Last but not least, Thomas Rawls was a terrible third round pick. He was coming off a shattered ankle, first red flag. He was also in an RBBC, second red (flag Christine Michael looked great in preseason and Prosise was a third round pick). Frader literally got nothing out of Rawls and he’s now on my team. He’ll prob shit the bed in the playoffs and cause me to lose, but at least he’s a startable RB.

Historical/Pop Culture/Literary Comparison:

Jordan Belfort, stockbroker, author, motivational speaker, ex-convict.

We all know who Jordan Belfort is – a former stock broker who pillaged the markets during the late 80s and 90s and made millions upon millions of dollars. He was known for excessive drug use, partying and his affairs with countless women. He was what Ansman dreams of being. He’s what we all secretly wish to live like at times. He was a boss. He made millions of dollars through legal & illegal means until the Federal prosecutors shut down his firm and ultimately put him in jail in the early 2000s. His life and tales of debauchery will live forever through his books and motivational speaking, but it really became mainstream when the movie “The Wolf of Wall Street” came out a few years ago. I love that movie, it’s awesome. Leo is the best actor of our time and it’s just a great watch. Kinda long, but very interesting. The book is even better, so I suggest reading it if you know how to read (can never be too sure with Lamone).

So how is Frader like Jordan Belfort? To start, they come from humble beginnings. Belfort was never wealthy growing up and his career was rocky during his early twenties. He wasn’t well known and no one expected him to become what he became. Likewise, Frader had humble beginnings in this league. He never played football and no one really expected him to be a power house. Then one day, that all changed. Belfort started making money and incidentally, started using drugs/alcohol. This is like the first year of our draft, when Frader was hammered/high during the draft. Even though working/drafting and drinking is not advisable, it worked out for a time.

Eventually Belfort reached the pinnacle of his trading career. He was fucked up all of the time, married a model and was making money hand over fist. He was at his peak when he took Steve Madden public - Stratton Oakmont’s first major IPO. Speaking of the models, I like to think his wife looked like Margot Robbie. Have Mercy.

Frader was also at the pinnacle of his GW Bush League career as his success and partying increased. He finally captured the GW Bush League title in the fourth year of the Live Draft Era and things were great. It was his Steve Madden IPO, so to speak. He was on top of the world looking down at everyone else.

Then it all came crashing down. The drug use and improprieties caught up to Belfort, just like the drug use and drinking caught up to Frader at this year’s draft. If you remember, he was by far the most fucked up person there. You may be able to maintain vices for a while, but ultimately they catch up to you.

It's a cautionary tale for all of you ambitious and greedy people out there. Having said that, you can turn things around. Just like Jordan Belfort got back on his feet, I think Frader will be able to do so. You have to hit rock bottom before you can rise from the ashes.

Commissioner’s Prediction:

5-8 and misses the playoffs for the first time. He did have some nice value picks later on (Foster, Crabtree, Blount), but there are way too many question marks at the top of his draft. What if Bell never gets back to 100%? What if Jimmy G sucks? What if Rawls is stuck in a 50/50 split with Christine Michael? What if Alshon is questionable all year? Too much for me.

The Commish is one for one so far, correctly predicting that Frader would miss the playoffs. I overestimated his win total, but was dead on for the result. In his recap I questioned his first three picks and it was those three players that ultimately doomed his season.

Final Notes:

This was a brutal, brutal end for our former Champ, Jon Frader. The Gabriel award came down to the very last minute and as of Monday at 8 PM, Frader was actually in 8th place. Keetz then came in with his three horsemen (TY Hilton, Gore and Viniatieri) and shit on Frader’s life (get it? Colts, horsemen, I’m good). Frader had a 40 point lead going into the MNF game, but Keetz guys put up 42.

Overall this was a terrible year for Frader. He was the most fucked up person at the draft, which showed in his draft results and ultimately his season. Frader had enjoyed a pretty nice run in this league up to this point, as he was one of two people to never miss the playoffs during the Live Draft era. Now his life is in shambles and he has to go through the next year as the Gabriel. Our past Gabriel winners have usually come back strong, so hopefully this is the kick in the ass Frader needed to refocus himself. For now, I will work to get him the Gabriel trophy and we will talk about his punishment endlessly, even though there will be no punishment.