WEEK 6 - PART 1
WEEK 6 ENTERTAINMENT – FASTEST 2 MINUTES
Welcome back for Week 6 of GWBL entertainment. Crazy how time flies – we’re already 6 weeks in and almost half-way done with the fantasy season. To emphasize how quickly things are going, we’re going to have a “fastest 2 minutes” segment this week. I’ll go through each matchup and discuss various things in a Chris Berman-like way. Throw this tune on as you read and enjoy:
Daddy’s Little Gurl defeats KingoftheNorth Shore
We begin with Daddy’s Little Gurl who traveled up to the North Shore in a battle of the league fathers. While the Kingofthe North is as ferocious as a direwolf, the Kingofthe North Shore was as gentle as a lamb in Week 6. Just like in his best man speech last year, Robby D took it easy on Ken in this matchup of diaper-changers.
Amari was hanging with Mr Cooper in the medical tent and sank Robby D’s team with a 0.8 point performance vs the J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS. While Derrick Henry Hill was good through 5 weeks, he looked more like Ray Liotta in a Chantix commercial vs. the Broncos this week. Take those 6.8 points and get your fuckin shinebox.
BOOM BOOM BOOM WHOOOPPPP
The pillow fight continues with Daddy’s Little Gurl throwing up 112 after hanging a 179 spot on the Commish last week. Speaking of throw-up, excuse me BOOM….
Josh Commissioner Gordon might be faking his own death after putting up 1.2 points in a drubbing of the GGGGGG-MMENNNNNN. Fortunately for Daddy’s Little Gurl, Tyreek and the Winter Hill Gang came back from injury and extorted the Texans secondary for 22 points.
Daddy’s Little Gurl 112, Kingofthe North Shore 103.
BOOM BOOM BOOM WHOOOPPPP
HOW’S HOOTERS? KiTTLES? defeats The Skid Row Nightcrawlers
Next we have the SKiTTLE lovers travelling to San Francisco to visit the Skid Row Nightcrawlers.
Christian Ed McCaffrey did his best to carry the Crawlers, putting up 24 fantasy points and a cup of tea in the London game. Cheerio Mate.
His fellow Christian missed the Sunday services in Week 6 and didn’t get his communion. A big fat goose egg from Christian Kirk negated any indulgences Guy paid to the Catholic Church for his sins.
Kerryon my wayward Johnson chipped in with 15 points, but it wasn’t enough to bring Guy peace when Week 6 was done.
BOOM BOOM BOOM WHOOOPPPP
After taking down two orders of buffalo wings at Hooters, the KiTTLES took a big steaming dump on Guy’s sidewalk this week. Aaron Mr. Rodgers welcomed the Lions into his neighborhood, registering a team high 21 fantasy points on Monday Night Football.
George How Was Hooters? Kittles contributed 16 fantasy points on 8 catches for 100 yards. That’s back to back weeks with 100 yards or a touchdown and Kittles has been upgraded to sour skittles status. Despite having the Bucs #1 receiver on his bench yet again, Lamone was able to pull out the Chris GodWIN and save his season (22 pts).
KiTTLES 117, Nightcrawlers 115.
BOOM BOOM BOOM WHOOOPPPP
Return of the Mack defeats Make America Gordon Again
We travel back to 1996 for our next matchup, where Make America Gordon Again witnessed the Return of the Mack.
Ezekiel Billy Elliot put on his ballet slippers and danced all over the Jets defense this week. Bravo to a season high 32 fantasy points on 150 total yards and a touchdown. Encore!
Matt Ryan Howard made the Cardinals defense feel like Michael Scott in the Office when he brought his PowerPoint to the University of Phoenix Stadium.
Even though the Falcons lost, Ryan put up 39 fantasy points on 350 yards and 4 TDs. Last but not least is Terrance & Phillip Lindsay, who put up 17.5 points and farted in Tennesee’s face on Sunday.
BOOM BOOM BOOM WHOOOPPPP
Make America Melvin Gordon again disappointed his owners for the 6th straight week with just 8 fantasy points in an embarrassing loss. That’s 6 straight busts for Gordon and 6 straight losses for Tieg.
FUMMMMBLLLEEEEE
His San Diego GO CHARGAHS GO teammate didn’t fare much better, as Keenan Ryan Allen punted on Week 6 with just 4.3 fantasy points. While Carlos Hyde Ya Kids Hyde Ya Wife ran for 26 points against the Chiefs, Tieg ran for 0 wins this week.
BOOM BOOM BOOM WHOOOPPPP
